Nothing tastes as good as......

There is a saying "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels"... There are days I'd like to sock whomever said that right in the nose! It's obvious! But it's also frustrating. As if chanting this mantra will magically make the pounds drop off, I've been 'chanting' it all week. The pounds aren't listening to me!! I think they are saying "no no no no no no... nothing tastes as good as a Snickers Bar!" Okay, they may just be right! But to feel thin again... oh to feel thin again. Dare I dream with such boldness?

I've been sharing with a WW friend my frustrations. I'm up - again. Will I ever get the weight off? I found this picture of myself. Yep, that's me with the cute hair and thin face.. THIN face. This is how I looked when I was dating my husband. I felt young, attractive, thin.. and I felt *gasp* sexy! I was just 5 pounds from my goal weight. I had recently moved from Kingston, Ontario where I was religiously following the WW plan. I moved to Newmarket, Ontario and decided, heck, it's only 5 pounds! I can do this on my own. WRONG. I was good for a time, not losing anything and just gaining a tiny little bit, which i thought was OK. By the time my husband and I had been married about a year, I had pretty much gained most of it back. And it continued to pack on! I went to weight watchers a few time - an at-work program, which didn't work for me, and tried a few other Saturday morning groups. I settled,finally, on one group that I clicked with - it was more the leader who is incredibly caring.... and funny.

However, after a few (several) false starts, I'm still where I was when I started 2 years ago! How much money have I invested in false starts? Don't ask. I have two good weeks, a bad week, a semi good week, 3 bad weeks, etc. and quite seriously I haven't lost a pound overall! WHY? Because my mantra is all screwed up... Nothing tastes as good as [insert favourite food]. I've got to stop that. What is it about eating that holds such power over me? What is it about snacking in the evening that I can't seem to shake? I don't know! Seriously, I don't!

How do I look today? Here's the newest picture, taken September of this year. Look at the double/triple chin!! Look at the size of those cheeks! (The ones on the face - because I wouldn't DARE show the 'other' ones!) Comparing these two pictures recently depressed me beyond belief! I had flashbacks of a previous life when this is how I looked and felt all the time. Fat. Ugly. Totally UN-sexy. Not only did I gain back 55 pounds but I added another 10 to that! 65 pounds HEAVIER than when I was just a few short years ago. So, the question is; how do I get beyond these feelings and get back to BELIEVING that nothing really does taste as good as thin feels? I'm not entirely sure. I do know that I need to stop - STOP - snacking in the evenings. That's my killer time - it's just a nasty habit. So - STOP:

S: Sure I can eat but why am I?

T: Take time to evaluate my motives.

O: Oh my goodness, get out and walk!

P: Practice good self-talk.

Okay, those are the most 'scientific' things to say, but they are real and they are from my gut! Which is rumbling... I better drink some water so I don't down another snickers bar today!

I'm really not hungry... I am a food addict. I love food. I love to eat food. I love to cook food. I can out-eat most people I know! All kinds of people have all kinds of addictions, I eat. I am a food-aholic, seriously! The only time I'm not thinking about food is when I'm shopping. And there's a whole other can of worms!

Maybe I need a different mantra.....

All I know for sure is: "Hello, my name is Heather, and I'm a foodaholic. It's been 30 minutes since my last binge*"

*the snickers bar really was delicious!

Fridays... why is it always on friday???

I hate Fridays. I actually hate this entire week. I'm weak. Very weak.

I had a terrible week as far as my lack of self-control goes. And now, it's Friday again. Weigh in is tomorrow.

I suck!

It's not me, it's my metabolism!

I've been avoiding blogging, avoiding going to WW and avoiding discussing food issues with anyone lately. I just 'fessed up' to a friend from WW about my struggle and *gulp* my actual weight! What a humbling an experience that was.

I have been playing around with weight loss for the past 2 1/2 years! How much have I actually lost - overall? 1 lb. Sick. Well, it's not me... it's my metabolism! What a crock that line is! Have you seen that TV commercial for another weight loss program? It's not me??? really??? How comforting. It's my metabolism. All this time I just thought my stagnation in weight loss was due to potato chip binges, visits to Kawartha Dairy, too much butter, no exercise, and tons of other things I had been doing!

Imagine - I'm not at fault after all!!!! It's my METABOLISM! Oh give me a break! That's as ridiculous as saying the balloon boy is in the balloon when the entire time he was hiding in the attic at home! Well, I'm balloon girl... I've been flirting with the excitement of weight loss when all along I've been hiding in my kitchen and eating! However, I do feel vindicated... metabolism. My new magic word!

Today I made a dinner for a friend (her baby is undergoing open heart surgery this morning) and when I did the calculations on the recipe, modified by me, it works out to approx. 5 pts per serving. Why don't I do that for myself??? I'm feeling discouraged, defeated, and icky! Icky is the appropriate word to use - it means ICKY!

I've missed the last several weeks of WW - I was in Halifax, NS for work. I was subjected to hotel food for a week. The 3 mornings (out of 7) that I could choose my own breakfast I did make great choices - two mornings I had fresh fruit - tons and tons of it, the other morning I had an eggwhite omelet with broccoli & a tiny bit of cheese-and a side of fruit! Really good! However, that didn't help counter all the high fat meals that were served. Why does everything have to come with a sauce of some sort??? I did a rough calculation of points for the "gala" dinner on the first official evening - 38 points!!!! And that didn't include dessert. It seemed most meals were a minimum of 25-30 points. Thank goodness for all the fruit I ate! Good source of fibre!

I've been back for almost 2 weeks now, but not back to healthy eating. I weighed myself this morning and I am up... to the point where I am just 1 lb below my starting weight. I am deflated (unlike balloon boy's balloon!) and chubby... and incredibly ashamed of myself.

Oh - more humiliation... I had a clothing party at my home recently - Jockey person-to-person - really nice. I think you need to be a size 0 to fit into a medium!!!! The large was obviously not large enough and I sadly had to opt for an XL. I hang my head in shame.

So, what am I going to do about it? Good question. I wish I could say I'm going to be perfect from here on in, but we all know that would be a lie. I will say that I will seek help when I need it, I will talk to friends when I need it, I will treat myself with the respect I deserve, and I will make good choices.

It's Thursday... I've got two full days until I weigh in again. I can do this. What did I learn this week? well....contrary to the TV commercial:

It IS me...it's NOT my metabolism!!!

Middle of the week... or is that "weak"???

I've been so busy at work these past few days, getting in very early and staying quite late. It's not good for my weight loss efforts! Last night, for instance, at Union Station I was starving!! Union is a foodaholics worst nightmare! The aroma of Cinnabons was wafting through the air. Fresh bread from Michels. Chocolate from Laura Secord. Ice cream from Dairy Queen. Harveys. Mmmmmuffins. And of course, the dreaded McDonalds, to name just a few. Knowing I wouldn't be home until at least 8:30 I knew I better eat something or the second I walked in my door I would eat whatever wasn't nailed down.

I chose Mr. Sub. Turkey. Whole wheat. No sauces and lots of veggies. Good choice. Score one for me!

Got home, still hungry. Ate a banana. Score.

Mid week... or should that be "mid WEAK" is always difficult.

Going for coffee.....

Monday Monday.....

After a dismal weekend - cold, wet, and just plan ugh - today is filled with beautiful sunshine! As I look out my office window, I don't see a single cloud. But, I digress... first the weekend:

I reluctantly got my butt to Weight Watchers on Saturday, after my usual first stop at Tim's to get my morning java... sans muffin. I was late, but thankfully there was no line up to weigh in. I guess everyone had arrived early - the place was pretty full! Again, reluctantly, I stepped on the little square monster - the one known as "the scale".... oooh, the mere mention of the name send shudders through me at times! This day, however, was not one of them. Despite my foray into muffin eating and apple delights over the week, the scale took pity on me and I was down 1.6 lbs! Yahoo! And as much as I blogged about my delights of the past week, I only had one pumpkin muffin from Timmie's.... the rest of the week I was actually pretty well behaved.

Down 1.6 - it felt really good. So, to celebrate, on my way home from Weight Watchers I stopped in at the Rose Farm (if you live anywhere remotely close to Newmarket you know where that is!) and promptly treated myself.... to.... fresh cut.... fresh cooked... fries! I know...(hanging my head in shame)... but they were so good! I enjoyed every bite - and from that moment on I've been tracking. It was my one big treat of the week.

I got a few tips this week to stave off the 'minute I walk in the door from work grab food' routine that I have fallen into. This morning before leaving home, I packed a box of WW Fruit & Nut bars (1 point) and some 2 pt chocolaty things that I have a tough time staying away from. Here they are now, at work, right in front of me. Okay, not exactly in front of me, but in a drawer. The idea is that when I head home I will grab one of the bars to eat on the train or the bus that comes after the train. My hope it that it will be enough to deter me from heading straight for the fridge or cupboard the second I walk in the door! I'll let you know how it works.

In the meantime, it's Monday, the sun is shining, and I'm feeling very much in control. On days like this, when the air is a little crisp (not too much) and the sun is out, the air smells good and you are out walking, I find it invigorating! Okay, I work in downtown Toronto so the air never really smells 'good' but you know what I mean! So, I'm sitting here, with my back to the window and wondering how I can rearrange my office to take advantage of looking out at the beautiful sunshine.

Enjoy the week - you won't get a chance to relive today - so live it to the fullest!

I'm off to get my coffee now - and hopefully no muffins!

later,

Number inversions, fall clothes, and more pie!

I weighed in on saturday and I was up 0.2.... bah! Must have been all that pie! Kawartha Dairy Ice Cream didn't help either, I suppose!

After talking to a few ladies at WW, some were up just little bits, like me. I think it's a number inversion thing. REALLY, we are DOWN 0.2 or 0.6 or 3.2! Okay, that one (3.2) we might actually notice! Regardless, such tiny little amounts to be up may as well be looked at as a number inversion. Pee, and it's gone!

But, of course, now that the fall is here and I am wearing slightly heavier clothes that just may be were my 'gain' came from! Ya, that's it! I'm up 0.2 because I wore a heavier sweater? Okay, that's a mind inversion! My mind, at best, can be somewhat twisted so if I choose to believe that my choice of sweater made a huge difference, then so be it! It's me. And that's that. Yes, I know, I'm fooling myself - mostly because I wore the exact thing I have been wearing most of the summer. So the inversion here comes from stupidity!

Regardless of how I see my 0.2 lb gain.... I accepted it.

After the meeting my husband and I went apple picking. I made a delicious apple crisp (a weight watcher recipe at that!) and it was so delicious! Topped it off with a small scoop (about 1/4c, seriously) of Chapman's Frozen Yogurt (which is only about 1 point for the 1/4 c). My dessert - 3 pts! How yummy was that. AND, since it was fall and a beautiful crisp sunny day, I also made a huge pot of vegetable soup, which I have been eating all week. There's something so comforting in a bowl of hot soup! It's zero points! THAT'S the comfort part!

I find my biggest challenges come from being at work. If I'm hungry I head down to the main floor to grab something - the entire way down I am doing self-talking about good choices. People pass me in the hall... and I'm sure they assume I've escaped from somewhere as they hear me mumble "good choices... think healthy... be good.....good... good" The good part is that they clear a path for me. Watch out - here comes that crazy person again! I really should learn to have these conversations in my head! The problem is, of course, that once I get there all this food screams at me - and contrary to popular belief, hospital cafeteria's really do serve some wonderful food now!

This week, Tim Horton's launched the return of the Pumpkin Muffin, Pumpkin Donut, and Pumpkin Spice Tea. Right now, even as I type this, I am salivating! The muffin is to die for. Must... stay... clear....of... Timmies..... Must... stay... clear... of.... Timmies..... Why does fall have to taste so delicious? It's really quite an evil plot to keep me chubby! I have a nice lunch packed today - tuna (on WW bread), veggies, a crisp apple that I picked myself, yogurt.... and that's it. Yum. (must.... stay..... clear..... of.... timmies....)

At the end of the day, I would like to look back and think that I made good choices today, that I thought things through, that I was a success... at least for today!

So, it's Tuesday, and I'm relatively on track and tracking.

Oh... here's one.... I left the house this morning without a jacket - I had left it at a friend's house last night grrr. Anyway, I was a little cool. Thought I'd use that as a good excuse to buy a new coat - until I tried one on at Laura's.... I didn't like the size number and it sort of bulged over my tummy making me look about 7 months pregnant. I hung the coat back up. Caught a glimpse of my profile in the mirror - sans maternity coat - and thought "must...stay...clear...of...Timmies"

I hate fall!

Pass the muffins.

Apples and Pumpkins and Pies... oh my!

Fall... to continue from last week. Such a vast selection of wonderful 'comfort' foods available right now. All of these foods are my favourites! Yesterday, I worked from home and was craving fresh baked scones! So, I made them! I ate one, fresh and hot from the oven... with blueberry preserves on it. Oh so delicious! But, that left 7 more to be eaten. Quickly,I called a friend and she came for coffee... and I forced her to eat at least 2 scones! Thankfully, she did just that - with lots of coaxing. But, that left 5 more! I'll stop there.

I think what scares me the most about fall is the abundance of the fall harvest! I love apples, apple pies, apple crisp, apple cake, apple..... you get the picture. I also love pumpkins! Fresh pumpkin pie, pumpkim muffins, pumpkin cookies, and so on. But I also love all the other fall squashes too. To hopefully stave off a mad eating frenzy this week, I selected two squashes when I was grocery shopping - one an acorn squash and the other a spaghetti squash. The spaghetti squash I cooked by cutting in half lengthways, and turning it (cut side down) in a water bath of about 1" in the oven. It came out wonderful... and then I fought the urge to use butter, salt & pepper over that and instead opted to scrape it out (spaghetti style) and top it with some warmed salsa. It was delicious - and zero points. I was not as successful with the acorn squash - which I grilled on my bbq with dabs of butter and maple syrup. Oh so incredibly delicious when it was done. I think there was about 2 tbsp of butter on each half. I ate about 1/4 of the squash.

I also have a pumpkin to cook up and turn into something wonderful as well. Probably pie. I did find a recipe for pumpkin 'pudding' which is basically pumpkin pie without the crust, cooked in one bowl and then scooped out into individual servings. That would be a better choice for me. I'll have to think that one through a bit.

As I write this, I'm eating a Raspberry Yogurt.... it's not nearly as delicious as a slice of fresh from the oven apple pie, or pumpkin pie.... so I'm trying to think of it as raspberry "mousse"... but it's not working.

I am tracking this week. sort of. At least, when I remember. But yes, I am doing the math in my head which as you may or may not know is a very scary place! So, I'll go back to work now and forget about what awaits me at home tonight.

In them meantime....

Pass the pie!

Latte' and Loving Life

I feel like it's time for a little fall-ness! Not full-nes.
Last night I turned on the gas fireplace at home... enjoyed a cuppa tea, and some me time. It was nice. Of course, the double scoop ice cream I had at Kawartha Dairy didn't help!

Today, I'm sitting in Kingston, in a Starbucks, with a delicious non-fat Chai Latte (and a pumpkin scone). I have no idea how many points all this is, but it's probably not good.

I love fall. I love the smell of fall. I love sweaters and cool evenings, and hot apple pie, and the smell of just walking through an orchard! It's all so invigorating. Of course I don't like the "full-ness" of fall. So, knowing that all these wonderful things make me nuts - as in I could eat myself silly at this time of year - I have to exercise caution. I love to love life without making food a part of it.

So, here I sit, in starbucks, with my latte and loving life!

Enjoy your Friday.

Facing the music... er, Scale!

I weighed in. I didn't kick the scale, although I should have kicked myself! My nasty habits of this week caught up with me when I stepped on the scale and it screamed "get off, you're crushing me!"
I was up - 2 lbs. Well, what did I expect? As I said, I drank and ate my way through the week.
Today's WW topic was "Managing dinner out, breadbasket to dessert." Seriously? I have no issues managing all that. I manage to eat it all quite well thank you! I think I missed the point somewhere in the translation! I am, apparently, supposed to manage dinner out so that I don't overdo the breadbasket, the entree, or the dessert. Just when you think you've been truly successful at one thing, you find out you've been working in reverse the entire time. Oh well.

So today I had to face the scale. 2 lbs. Yes, 2.0. Disgusting, isn't it? The question, however, truly is, what am I going to do about it? Monday I go back to work. I can stay in control when I'm working. Or at least I stay in control most of the time. I still have to get through the rest of this weekend.

Today it is a gorgeous fall day. Sun is shining! No humidity in the air. Just delightful. So what better way to celebrate a fall day then to go to a Fall Fair? This weekend is the Uxbridge Fall Fair and we're heading there shortly. This will be a challenge for me. Getting through the day without gorging myself on all the fall fair delicacies - like corn (dripping in butter), hot dogs, fries, etc. I just need to get through the fair. My plan for success today includes packing a small bag with fruit and water so that when the hungries hit, I can dig into my bag.

I sound so successful don't I? Right now I'm sitting here with toasted cranberry & walnut bread (we bought it at Mariposa Market this week and it's so yummy) smeared in butter and fresh peach jam.

I faced the scale today, what's next for me?

Facing the fatty in the mirror.

Another Friday

I've been on vacation again this week - as you have read. I've spent the week drinking wine and eating. Perfect weather.

Now, I have to face the scale. I hate the scale and the scale hates me. We have a mutual understanding though... if I don't kick it, it won't scream my weight out loud for all to hear.

It will just have to do!

Until tomorrow....

Labor Day Weekend..... and beyond!

September. Labor Day. The last long weekend of the summer. I checked in with Weight Watchers just like I said I would - and I was DOWN again! Yea me! Saturday then brought dinner with friends. Sunday was dinner with family. Food food and more food. But, oh, Labor Day Monday!

We packed our bags and headed to Niagara Falls for a mini getaway. We walked for a very long time up hills and down hills, etc. My legs felt like rubber and I wasn't even using my stepper!! For Saturday evening dinner I left over half of my portion. I felt that was a success. Of course for breakfast the next morning there was the all you can eat buffet. Omelet, fruit, yogurt, ya... oh and a bit of bacon, and a slice of toast, two coffees, and an OJ. I was so stuffed. I had to remind myself that the little voice in the back of my head was "sue" and she was saying "you WILL live to eat another day!" stupid voice. I didn't have lunch... I was till stuffed from breakfast. In fact, I didn't eat again until 9:00 p.m. Okay, so that was pretty late, and it was pizza - 3 slices. I suck at the whole weight loss thing.

Today - cereal with blueberries and skim milk. Today, I love me.

Yesterday is so... yesterday!

One step, two step, three step, help!

Well, I started using the stepper. My legs feel like rubber. I sure hope this is worth it!

On another note, I am on my final week vacation effective 4:00 p.m. today! I'm excited. Why you ask? Go ahead, ask! Okay, I'll tell you! I can sleep in for a whole week. Oh ya. Can't wait.
But there is much to do during that week off. We booked a one night getaway at the Hilton Fallsview Hotel in Niagara Falls. Dinner, breakfast, and a show is included. Be still my heart! Free food! Note to self: must remember to slow down and enjoy - you WILL eat again after this! Pace yourself.

We also have a plethora of company coming over the weekend, starting on Saturday evening. Again on Sunday, and then off to Niagara on Monday. Home Tuesday night. A large group of 20/30 somethings arriving for a bbq on Wednesday (about 12?) and finally on Thursday - NO COMPANY! Very excited about that, don't know if you picked up on my excitement or not!

I wonder if I should bring the stepper with me to Niagara Falls? Maybe not. It will just look out of place in my beautiful suite plus I'll feel guilty if it sits there and I don't use it. Actually, IT can't make me feel anything - but I may CHOOSE to feel guilty! Argh.

I'll weigh in on Saturday. I'm reasonably confident that I will be down a bit, not lots but a bit. And after 3 weeks of being away, I'll be very happy if indeed I am down!

So, here's to the long weekend, the last of the summer. Here's to being back into routine. Here's to being able to cover up ugly body fat with heavier fall clothes! Yes! The silver lining!!!!

Saying goodbye to summer and hello to the deliciousness of fall!

What happened to summer? Today is August 31st. I am at odds to figure out exactly where it went or what I did. What little tan I had is now faded, thanks to the weeks of off and on rain! The sun only shines when I go to work! And what about vacation? I had two weeks off in July and for the most part, it rained! There is some evil plot afoot to ensure I don't enjoy my summer. So we are saying goodbye... to summer... or so it seems.

But, now that I've accepted that fact, and that tomorrow marks the 1st of September (yikes), I find myself pondering on what I accomplished over the summer. So here's my list:

1. Drew a line in the sand. That was a momentous day for me. Stop the merry-go-round of weight loss and hit the real starting line!
2. Played on the beach, trying hard to keep my toes out of the sea. That is, the figurative sea of bbq'd delights and decadent foods of the summer - like incredibly delicious potato salads and pasta salads, and fatty burgers, and hot dogs, and sausages, and potatoes baked on the grill and then loaded with butter AND sour cream (not that fat free stuff either!) Ah, the beach.
3. Realized that playing on the beach was dangerous for me... the ocean tends to come in with huge waves and I feared being dragged out to sea - a sea of endless and mindless eating (aren't I dramatic?)
4. Opted to play in the sandbox - where I had boundaries and I was safe! I enjoyed the sandbox for several weeks, and lost weight consistently. The sandbox is good.
5. Missed a few WW meetings due to out of town work related meetings. Held my own as far as weight loss was concerned - no gain, no loss. Felt successful.
6. Missed 3 weeks straigtht! Yikes! NOW I'm worried. I was in Quebec City one week (see previous blog posts), and then had out of town guests (aka our kids visiting) for two weeks. Bye bye!


Now, here I am - and it's August 31st... my summer is done, my will was bent a bit (not entirely broken). So where does that leave me? Ready to get back at it. I was reasonably careful what I was eating over the past few weeks - reasonably as in I reasoned with myself. In fact here's a true, seriously, conversation I had with myself just yesterday:

Me to Self (M2S): Self, do you think your fall clothes are going to go over that rather large butt of yours?
Self to Me (S2M): Get thee behind me, Me.
M2S: I'd love to but the behind part is rather big... can I just peak around instead?
S2M: Cheeky, aren't you?
M2S: You're the "cheeky" one... have you seen those cheeks? Check out a mirror lately?
S2M: Brat
M2S: So, now that the summer is just about done, where are you going to take that butt of yours?
S2M: Hey, I bought a stepper this summer!
M2S: Watching it doesn't help the butt! You need to get on it!
S2M: One 'step' at a time, dear Me, one step at a time!
M2S: You're hopeless.

The fall - it represents all the deliciousness of the season - wonderful root vegetables, squashes, pot roast, the return of mashed potatoes, turkey, pumpkin pie, and don't forget apples - apple pie, apple crisp, apple brown betty (whatever that is!)... and a scale that may not be able to hold me after all of this delicousness.

So, I'll weigh in on Saturday, face the scale, and maybe - just maybe - I'll actually try to get on that stepper!

But it's just one step at a time.... one step.

I can't believe I ate the whole thing!

I was in Quebec City last week - for four days, sort of. Let me back track...

On Wednesday I left for Quebec City - got bumped in Toronto and was put on "the next available flight." Not too bad. My original flight was at 11:05, the flight I was supposed to be bumped to was the 12:00 flight. However, it took Air Canada over an hour to re-book the flight and get me a flight credit ($200) for being bumped. So, I missed the flight. I got on the 1:00 flight - to Montreal - instead. Then from Montreal on to Quebec City on a little puddle jumper plane that only had 20 seats. The props were bouncing the plane around so much that we had turbulence before we even started to taxi!

Okay, so here I was stuck in Toronto for longer than anticipated. I was hungry! There was Tim's! I got coffee - and the new chicken snack wraps. They were a waste, both of money and precious points, I didn't enjoy then at all. I ate one and tucked the other one away for my wait in Montreal. I did find a lovely store where I bought a necklace and matching earrings to go with the dress I was planning on wearing to the Gala evening. It was gala-worthy!

So, in Montreal - I scarfed down the other chicken snack wrap.... and waited for my plane to Quebec. Finally arrived 4.5 hrs later than I should have. Grr. I wasn't overly hungry - all those snack wraps - but the girls I was meeting had reservations at Portofino's, a wonderful Italian restaurant in the old city. I walked from my hotel (right outside the gates to the old city) to the restaurant - it was about a 10 minute walk on cobblestone. I ordered spaghetti bolognaise with a small salad, a Caesar! Thankfully, it was lightly dressed with an oil based dressing rather than the creamy Caesar (I don't like creamy!) Day one in Quebec City and already I was "off plan." I needed to get my act in gear pretty quick!

After dinner, I checked with the hotel desk and found out where a little market was - again only a few blocks away. I walked - with my roommate - to where we had been given directions - it was a very expensive little specialty food store. I bought yogurt (2.5% mf - that was the 'lowest' fat they had - there was one that was 8%!!!!), and blueberries, Earl Grey tea, and a litre of skim milk. Figured I could at least have that for breakfast. I left there - $13 later. Walking back to the hotel, I stumbled across another little market - Marche - where I could actually "shop" - and bought a box of Special K Vanilla Almond, cheese (yes, cheese!), Melba rounds, and more fruit. Another $14 later and I was on my way back to the hotel, but happy that now I could have cereal, fruit, and yogurt in the morning with my tea, and then have cheese and melba for a snack if I needed it. Good choices.

I was tired - went to bed around 10:00. I didn't sleep. My roomie snored - like a trucker! I was up most of the night. I was in Quebec for a PartyLite conference, so my roomie was another consultant from my region. I was not a happy person in the morning - about 1 hr sleep in total. UNTIL... I opened the little fridge, and there was my milk, berries and yogurt. That, plus my cereal, made me much happier. Roomie wanted to eat at the hotel - not me. I was STRONG for a moment.

Off to the conference.

Lunch break - it was dubbed as the "Taste of Quebec" ..... tortierre, pancakes, ham with maple syrup, baked beans, pie. Yes, nothing green. Not one thing. I ate the meat pie, and the ham, left everything else.

Dinner - I pretty much slept through it. I was so tired after the afternoon session that I thought I'd go back to my room to sleep it off.... and I did, almost to the point where I just about missed the evening session. So, I grabbed some melba and cheese, and some more fruit, washed it all down with a glass of skim milk. Okay so far.

We all (20 of us) went out after the evening session to a little place just inside the gates of the old city. Because it was late, the kitchen was closed. All that we could get was whatever was on the 'bar' menu. There was nothing appealing. I chose nachos and salsa. BAD mistake. I wish I could say I ate them all and that was what was bad about them. Nope. They were just bad! Some semblance of nachos with salsa that tasted like ketchup & tomato chunks, seriously. THE worst! I left and went back to my room - made tea and ate a clementine.

The next morning - same breakfast. I'm still doing ok. That is, other than being incredibly sleep deprived! What is with the SNORING????

Lunch - healthier - soup (although it was 'creamed' it was fairly watery - so it felt safe), deli sandwiches (grrr.... I had the roast beef and havarti), fresh veggies (three cheers!) and for dessert - pie, again. Apparently the menus at convention centres are limited in their imagination!
Dinner - ah the Gala Dinner! It was lovely - nuff said. I ate it all. Every bite.

Final breakfast - same - including the bags under the eyes from three nights of listening to the incredible symphonic sounds of "the snorer."

Lunch - conference was over so we were on our own. I went with a few others (4) back to Portofino's. I stayed away from the pasta! Good girl that I am.... but..... I ordered a pizza - it was called Pizza Sole.... the thinnest crust I've ever seen, seriously, with tomato sauce, mozarella cheese, and tomatoes. When it comes out of the wood fired oven (yes), theycover it in fresh basil leaves. It was THE most delicious thing ever. My plan was to have some, and then box up the rest. With each piece that I ate, I thought "I'll just ask for a box now"... and then eat another piece. Ya, so there was nothing left to box up. How sad... but very delicious.

I took the after noon to explore Quebec City before I had to fly home that evening. Figured the walking with help work off all the pizza (and all other manner of evil I had eaten). I stopped mid afternoon at a sidewalk cafe and had tea and a chocolate croissant... hey, I had to! I was in Quebec City - it's part of the religous experience!!!

Feeling out of control, I left Quebec City for the airport around 6:00 - and grabbed a Caramilk Bar at the airport -with a bottle of water. And ....I ate the whole thing.

I'm home - and back in control....

I think travel should be outlawed for anyone trying to lose weight!

Speaking of which, I just booked my next flight - Halifax.

*sigh* Hope they start making the seats a little wider!!

There is no try!

I don't really have much to say (as if I ever do...) but thought I should at least pretend to update this. Weighed in on Saturday and I was down again - yea! 1.4 lbs. I'll take that.

Summer has finally arrived .... in August! It's a typical Toronto summer - lots of humidity! Makes me wonder how much weight I can sweat off before I weigh in next week? Hmm? Probably not enough to be noticable. Rats.

I'm off to Quebec City in the morning. I'm looking forward to it. I am hoping that I can restrain myself in the food department. For this conference, lunches are provided (Thurs and Fri) and one Gala dinner on Friday night. I think I can manage around that. I'll try my best.

Try... there's a word. TRY. Three small letters. What does it mean? Put in an effort? Give it a shot? There is a wise being (Yoda, for you Star Wars fans) who said to Luke Skywalker "There is no try, there is do or do not." Profound, that little scrunched up guy. So, do I try? Since try doesn't exist, there are only two options - do - or - do not. I don't like the options.

Okay, well, I'm off to QC, and I'm excited to be going.

I'll "do" as much as I can....

or at least I'll try.... :)

Week 1 of the restart

So... I weighed in on Saturday.... I'm down 4.2 lbs.

I like playing in the sandbox!

Here were the challenges of the week:

1. Holidays. I did really well and stuck to the week 1 book, religiously, for most of the week.
2. Day trip on Wednesday - ended up at Swiss Chalet for supper. I didn't have my 'Dining Out' book with so I sat down, asked for a glass of water and a nutritional guide. Chose my food based on that. I ate a delicious dinner for 7.5 pts.
3. Pot Luck on Thursday evening with friends. I took a green salad and fat free dressings. Stayed within my points and had fresh fruit for dessert.
4. Beach day on Friday. Seriously. Went to the beach (sans bathing suit) and relaxed. I packed us a nice picnic lunch and we just had a delightful afternoon in Cobourg.
5. Dinner Friday evening with friends on Friday - my big BLOW. Nothing was on plan. I tried hard to limit portions and the variety of what I was eating. Dinner lasted from 6:30 to 10:30.... then we sat outside for another hour after that. I knew when I got home (around midnight) that I was no where NEAR plan.

So, Friday evening discouraged me. I had been down more earlier in the week but I knew that eating such rich foods late at night was going to play with my numbers. ARGH! It did. However, I was totally successful the rest of the week, so my 4.2 lbs is a major victory!

Celebrate.

Now, week 2 of week 1. Yes, I'm repeating it.

So far... it's sunday and I've already had a few challenges.

• Last night we had company for dinner, we bbq'd steak. I weighed my beef portion and only had 4oz. Success.
  
• Dessert was angel food cake, strawberries, whipped cream. I didn't have the cream. Success.
• Breakfast was shredded wheat, skim milk, blueberries. Success
• Lunch today was a hot dog... FAIL
• Supper tonight was Potato Chowder (a weight watchers week 1 recipe) Success
• snacks today were: an apple, some grapes, a granola bar. I'd say Success, right?

The week will continue - as I head back to work after 2 weeks off.
I'll let you know how it goes.... I'll have to carefully plan my meals.

Here I go.....

Playing in the Sandbox

After the beach analogy yesterday, thought I'd continue for a bit....

Boundaries are good. They provide safety. This week, I've decided to play not on the beach but safely within the sandbox. Here, there are no waves to destroy what i'm building. Here, it's fun and easy.

Day 2 of the new improved me. So far so good. Playing in the sandbox is good. It's safe.
Yesterday I stayed on plan (except for dessert for supper.... don't even ask!) We had dinner at a friend's house - a friend who knew I was on Weight Watchers and cooked a "ww friendly" meal, or so she thought. So, we had this delicious chicken cooked on the rotisserie of their bbq. Two chickens actually, for 5 people. When the pieces were passed around on a platter, I chose a breast. Immediately I took of the wing and handed it to my husband. Then before I got to taste the wonderful crisp skin, I took it off! The chicken beneath was delicious. And enough. The meal was served with three different salads, one a potatoe salad made with a vinegar dressing rather than mayo! Thanks Vicki! You're great! The other two salads consisted of a green leafy salad with lots of delicious veggies in it (which I had with a fat free dressing) and a broccoli/cabbage salad with cranberries and *gulp* bacon! I picked out the bacon. The dressing was a fat free based dressing (I was told!) So far, so good. I had one piece of bread - homemade by my hostess - spelt bread with flax seed. Delicious although rather dense. I did have 1 tsp of butter with it... it needed it! Now, the dessert.... sigh... a frozen concoction made up of a graham crust, topped with sliced banana, then vanilla ice cream, and finally a fudge topping (melted chocolate chips, sweetened condensed milk, etc.sigh) all frozen and cut into squares. I had one square, the smallest one that she cut. I have no idea how to count that. Really. So I asked her for the recipe - that way I can figure it out and record it under my flex points for the week.

That was it. No extras. I drank water with my meal. I feel all in all, I had a successful rebirth in the sandbox!

Today even better. Trish (at WW) suggested that for the next two weeks I use the preplanned menus in the week 1 book. I am. this morning I choose a breakfast off the list - 1 cup fat free plain yogurt with 1 cup sliced strawberries. I thought I'd be starving afterwards. I wasn't. For lunch, I choose 1 cup of black bean soup - very delicious and very low in both fat and points (2 pts) while very high in fibre. That was followed with another cup of plain fat free yogurt and 1 sliced banana. Again, I was satisfied! I've planned out dinner for tonight - Teriyaki Pork tenderloin, baked sweet potato, broccoli. (8 pts). for my 'snack' I'm going to have sliced strawberries (1 cup) with angel food cake (2 points) for a 3 point snack (or dessert) after dinner. total points for today = 20.

Now, I am sitting and enjoying a cup of herbal tea.
I am enjoying the safety of the sandbox. I'll play here all week.

Next week, I may take a step outside the sandbox and plan my own meals again. But for now, it's a no brainer. And I need that! The sand is warm and inviting... and very satisfying. Just one comment....

I think I may have left my pail and shovel at the beach!

A line in the sand.....

As a child I loved going to the beach, playing in the sand, building castles, and having fun. The sand nearest the water was the best because it was cool on your feet and you could really dig deep without the sides caving in. Not much effort was needed! The dry sand wasn't as much fun - it was hot and dry, and it required work! You couldn't build with it unless you added water But oh, the wet sand.... it was a delight. Sometimes you would get your 'castle' almost to the place where it was just about perfect... just that one more bit and it would be there! Inevitably, a wave would sweep ashore and wash away the castle. I remember just sitting in the wet sand, where my beautiful castle had once been, crying. The problem is that I built my sand castle too close to the water line, too close to where 'danger' would come and take it away. If I had just used the other sand location - the one a little further away from the waterline - my castle would be safe! I'd dig through the dry sand - the hard work - and then get to the cooler and wetter sand below! How satisfying it felt to build my castle on a firmer foundation! When the waves did come often just a little water would wear away a corner of the castle, but the castle stood!!

Sometimes I feel like I'm a sand castle. I work on something until I just about get it right and then a giant wave comes in and washes my efforts away. These past two weeks have been just like that for me. Okay, truthfully, it's been more than two weeks, but lets not quibble over timelines! The problem is that I build my 'weight loss' sand castle too close to the waterline. In weight loss terms, I mean that I like the fast easy route! But with the fast easy track it means that danger is always close by because I'm always along the waterline, the danger zone, where temptations lurk waiting to wash away my efforts. I know the dangers are there but I still flirt with the line! Then, when a wave comes in - holidays, business trips, backyard bbq's, special events - I allow the wave to wash away everything I've been working toward. And I sit and cry! If I could only learn to plan better, just like the sand castle experiment as a child, then when the waves come (and they will come!) the work that I've done won't be totally lost, maybe just a tiny corner (a pound? pound and a half?) rather than the heartbreaking gain that makes you want to sit and cry!

This week, a line has been drawn in the sand! I'm starting fresh and in a place where I can see - truly see - where the waves are and learn to steer clear! This week, my castle gets built - starting on a much firmer foundation. This week, I won't allow the waves to destroy me! I've prepared in advance. I've got a plan. I've got enthusiasm back. I've got...

oh wait..... Just one problem.... I've got some sand in my bathing suit! Dang!

Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!

Ever wondered what happens when you fall off the "food" wagon? Well, you lie in a pool of self-pity screaming that you'd pick yourself up if you could!

My week has been full of culinary mishaps... red meat three times (steak, steak, and um, steak), high fatty foods, and a touch of alcohol. So, yes, I've fallen.... and I'm trying desperately now to get up on to my feet again and walk! Walk, that is, straight to my Weight Watchers meeting on Saturday. Honestly, there are days I really don't want to go. I get so discouraged. Why am I paying all this money to just sit around and eat whatever passes by me? I don't know. I really don't know.

I weighed myself last night, I'm back to my starting weight again. Oh, and the ultimate self-insult? I was trying on a pair of shoes today and happened to be seated right in front of a mirror. As I struggled to lift my fat leg up to take off my running shoe (I use the term "running" very loosely here), I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I was shocked. Those could NOT be my legs! Someone must have switched them for a fat person's legs when I was sleeping! Yes, obviously that is what happened! Alas, they were my legs and I was disgusted by what I saw.

So I came in to work, had my fat free yogurt, three bottles of water... and don't ask what else....

I'll trudge on to WW in the morning, face the music, face myself (the much harsher critic) and get on with it. This has got to end! Today!

.... and yes, I bought the most beautiful pair of shoes today!

The day had to have some redeeming quality to it!

Baby bump watch

It's all over the news these days. Is that a baby bump under Jennifer Anniston's dress? Katie Holmes looks like she's got news to tell with that baby bump. Nicole Kidman shows off baby bump. Everyone seems to have one. The problem is, rarely is that true! They probably caught the poor stars coming out of lunch where they ate a bit too much! Gasp! Not just lettuce???

Well, hold the presses, there is apparently another baby bump! Yes, it's me! Now, before you get all excited, or just plain shocked... let me explain.

My husband and I were out walking around our neighbourhood the other night. It was a delightful night and we were just enjoying the stroll together. We ran into a neighbour and stopped to talk. After a few minutes of conversation my dear neighbour said "Heather, are you expecting?" *insert shocked look* Um, no I'm not, I am apparently just fat. Once she recovered from her faux pas, she fumbled around for words "oh, it must just be the top you're wearing".... ya, whatever.

We continued on our walk in silence, with me fighting back tears. Finally, I looked up at my husband and said "don't ever breathe this to another living soul." So here I am blogging it for the world to see.... Thankfully this week at Weight Watchers I was down again. I think if I had been up I'd have cried... I didn't think I looked pregnant, but, well.... maybe I do to others???? So, no I'm not expecting, and there is no baby bump watch happening in our household! Ever! Amen!

Baby bump - hmmph!

I think I'm craving ice cream!

I feel appreciated.

Today was staff appreciation day at the hospital. To show how much the executive management team appreciates everyone, they threw a lavish breakfast free of charge for all staff. At first I thought I would be strong and not attend. Breakfast ended at 9:30. I got in the line at 9:05.

*sigh*

After working my way slowly from the very back of the line, which was at least a mile from the actual food line, I finally made it to the front. A few squirts of hand sanitizer (mandatory) and a handshake from the hospital CEO, and I was in!

I picked up my biodegradable container (as if that's supposed to make me feel better) and the first thing that got plopped into it was some sort of an egg and cheese thing. I think it was trying to be an omlette. It definitely wasn't fluffy like mine! But hey, when you're feeding a thousand or so people, I guess rubbery is ok. Next, I had my choice of either three strips of bacon (mmmm bacon, I haven't had real bacon in over a year) or two sausages. I chose sausages! It didn't disappointment me. They were sufficiently fatty enough to be absolutely delicious! Then came the home fries - deep fried of course, followed by pastry. I chose the plain croissant rather than the danish, or the chocolate croissant. It, too, was delicious. Finally, I picked up a pre-packed bag of apple slices (my only healthy choice!). I made my way to the 'beverage' station where I picked up my coffee and some juice, cranberry this time, grabbed my cutlery and headed back to my office, where I absolutely wolfed it down. You would think I hadn't eaten in years the way I devoured that stuff. It wasn't even THAT delicious, it was just, well, free!

So, now here I sit. Stuffed with food that was, in retrospect, not all that good - I could have done better. But, it's staff appreciation day, and so I suppose the handshake and the "thank you for everything you do" comment made me feel appreciated, even if my arteries are clogging as I type.

Which way is it to emergency?

In the land of the living.

Well, after almost two weeks off work with pneumonia, I am back! That just about knocked the socks right off me! No Dr. Pain for two weeks. No Mister Softee. No food pretty much. My neighbour made me a big pot of chicken soup, which I devoured daily. It was the only thing I really had any taste buds for. At the end of week one, although I didn't officially "weigh in", I weighed myself at home thinking "ya baby, I'm going to be way down"....

Wrong.

Week two I began to eat again as I gained strength. I enjoyed my food and thought it tasted so good - especially after a steady diet of soup. I weighed in on Saturday and was down 1.8 pounds. Go figure. I was happy!! Don't get me wrong, I just never really understood the 'don't eat - gain, eat - lose' phenomenon! I'll take it gratefully and move on.

So, this week, challenges include writing 3 papers in one week. Last night I was up until 1 a.m. writing. The alarm went off at 5 a.m. and let me tell you, I was not the most pleasant person this morning. I've already had 2 coffees today and I'm still going on auto pilot. Tonight another paper, and then a third due on Friday. I'm still not sure why I insist on pressuring myself like this - it's not like I don't have anything else to do!

I'm tracking this week. I'm weighing and measuring my food this week. I'm desperate to be a healthy weight.

So, here I am... back from the land of the lost to the land of the living. Back to my challenges of walking past all the ice cream trucks daily. Seriously, it's still cool out, WHO buys ice cream when its' cool out? (I could be tempted to!)

No news is not good news!

Apparently the old adage that no news is good news, is not necessarily true!

This week I've been sick all week... thus the "no news" part. So, is that good news? Obviously not.

So - no update this week, other than I'm alive! Imagine that.

Fashion (non)sense!

I would like to think that I'm savvy enough to have some sort of fashion sense. I don't know. Today, on my way back from Dr. Pain and passing Mister Softee and the other usual temptations along the route, I also had the unfortunate privilege (?) of walking behind a woman who, I think, might not understand what looks good on her figure and what does not. This woman was wearing a t-shirt and a pair of Daisy Duke short shorts and sandals. Okay, so nothing too shocking there - that is if you are about 16-20 years old and have a slender body, and slender legs too. This poor woman's 'muffin top' was spilling so far over the itsy bitsy shorts that it was hard to tell if the shorts were low riders or not. What I do know is that they were excessively short - and very tight. So not only did she have a muffin top, her thighs were squeezing out of the shorts as if they were escaping some type of high pressure tube. This woman was under the delusion that she was a svelte size 10. Her sandals were nice though!

Then I passed another woman - walking toward me - who appeared to be somewhat strung out. She was wearing a 'cardigan' (I use that term loosely) that was hanging off her. She also had a flashdance type top on and was obviously braless - I know that because her right boob was literally completely exposed! She was wearing track pants that were way too big for her. She must have weighed about 110 pounds - soaking wet.

What polar opposites. I think they got their wardrobes mixed up!

Then, to make matters even worse, I passed Cultures/Thai Express and looked in the window - there was another woman, rather tall, wearing jeans, a sweater and track shoes. She too had a muffin top and looked really frumpy. I wanted to scream at her, to tell her that she looked so frumpy and didn't she realize that........ oh wait, that was my own reflection in the glass!

Sigh.... It's friday again.

1 point ice cream....I must be dreaming!

I went to see Dr. Pain, the Chiropractor, again today. He is adjusting (no pun intended) quite well to his new name! Again, on the way out, Mister Softee was staring at me in the face... begging me to come and see and taste... vanilla, chocolate, the 'twist', which seemed totally appropriate to me after being adjusted. I walked by, crossed the road, ran into hot dog vendor number 1, crossed another road, hot dog vendor number 2, another road and voila, mister softee number 2 right in front of the hospital.

I hate Toronto!

I did find a delicious treat at the grocery store - Chapman's Yogurt+Plus Madagascar Vanilla - 1/2c = 1pt. YES!!! It's true! It doesn't even taste low fat! It's fantastic. Try the chocolate - 1/2c = 2 pts. No more will I sit by, drooling, while my family and friends eat ice cream! I can have a decadent delicious delight all to myself and not wreck my week.

So, take THAT, Mister Softee! You don't hold any power over me anymore! Bah!!

Dr. Pain and Mr. Softee

Today is Friday. The sun is shining. All is right with the world. I think.

Because of my rather sore back, I've been re-visiting my chiropractor whom I have nick-named "Dr. Pain".. or as I called him today "Helga." I mean, please. He's been working some very tight areas in my upper back, my lower back, my butt, and my neck. I told him not to work too much on the butt, if it was getting tight, let it go! he he. Okay seriously, he's been doing a great job and my pain has been decreasing with each visit. His real name is Dr. Robert Evans... okay that name alone conjurs up images of sausage and bacon, and eggs, and home fries, and Biscuits and sausage gravy at Bob Evans in the U.S.

..... I need a moment .....


Okay, I'm back.

So, yes, went to see Dr. Pain today. On my way back to work I passed not one, but TWO ice cream trucks "Mister Softee"... seriously! I thought "this is providence, first I see dr. pain and then I see Mr. Softee... it's a sign!"

I walked past both trucks, and two hot dog vendors... but my stomach was now very upset with me - so I ducked in to a Timmies - and bought chicken noodle soup. Probably the best choice of the day. I rounded it out with a fat free yogurt, an apple, and skim milk. Good choices.

Weigh in tomorrow. Sigh.

Of course, she doesn't weigh nearly as much as you!

Last week was busy for me. For most of it, I lay flat on my back. Muscle spasm - bad. I couldn't get into the car and so spent a few days working from home with my laptop on my stomach while I strained to see the screen. Not ideal. On Thursday I flew to Halifax for a meeting. I remember getting up and showered, dressed, and making my way downstairs to see, standing at my door, my driver who was 15 minutes early! Ack! I hustled as best I could and finally walked out the door. I painfully climbed into the front seat of the airport van and then it happened....

The door.

The van door was wide open and that meant I had to reach, stretch over to grasp it. It may has well have been 20 feet from me, it felt that bad. I finally got it, and without tears, closed it. Then the twist to grab the seat belt. What was I doing and why was I determined to get to Halifax? Sheesh!!

My driver is a sweet older man, retired dutch farmer, John. I like him. I've had him several times. This time he talked to me about his wife, who was in her early 70's and apparently tall and fit. He talked about how she exercises regularly to stay in shape. He figured she was about the same height as me - I'm 5'10". Here's the killer.... "of course, she doesn't weigh nearly as much as you". Ack again. It was like taking a bullet. He hit a bulls eye, right in my gut!

My new mirror - the image of John's wife - was right there and it hurt to look into that!

So, off to Halifax - I didn't hit Timmie's at the airport - the line up was too long and I didn't have much time. So, I hit Starbucks instead. Earl Grey tea with Skim Milk (good choice) and a pumpkin scone (bad choice). Arrived in Halifax, got the shuttle to the hotel, and there I was met and taken immediately to lunch. Crab cakes and spinach salad. I chose water to drink. The crab was delicious, the salad was even better (except for the goat cheese, which I don't like.) After a 3 hour meeting, I went to my room and laid down - and fell asleep once I found a comfy position. My phone rang, it was an old friend from Kingston days and we met up for dinner - after she walked me about 42 blocks "looking" for a place to eat... we passed hundreds. We settled on King Henry Arms, a pub about a block from the hotel. Yes one block. I was now near tears and didn't really care what I ate anymore. I had Fish - and chips - and it was SO good. Nothing like pub food when you're in a pub. She came back to the hotel with me as we were going to continue talking to catch up... she stayed until 10:30 p.m. Our original plan was to sit in the hotel bar for a while, but to be honest, I was a little nervous about being in the bar and ordering more crap,... er, food. My room was safer.

Another day or two of meetings and then the flight home - early - and this time I did go to Timmie's at the airport - and had a sausage breakfast sandwich, which I enjoyed very much.
I told myself I had earned it - I was in pain and food makes me feel good. Okay, that's not really true. Timmie's was just the first place I hit when I got to the airport. Believe me, at Halifax "international" airport, there's really not much choice.

The rest of the weekend was a mix of friends and food - why do these two things go together? I have no idea. You see friends - you eat. Perhaps I should lose all my friends, that way I'd never eat again. Or would I? Maybe I'd be so sad that I was friendless that food would be my best friend! Either way, you see my dilemma. Food gets in the way!

Now it's Tuesday - I won't even tell you what I did yesterday - it's sick. Okay, I'll tell you. I had a scone for breakfast (with butter and homemade lemon curd. yum), followed by some fruit, followed by pretzels, followed by lunch - fruit, followed by potato chips, followed by an apple, followed by guilt and remorse, followed by a healthy dinner.

Today, for the first time in a week, I'm on track again. Seems I couldn't find the track in the last week, or I was avoiding it completely. Whatever. I'm choo-chooing along the track now remembering the words of John "of course, she doesn't weigh nearly as much as you"...

Hmmmph, I'll show you! (*waves fist in the air*)

Tracking in an untrackable world.

I was told to update my blog.... so I am.

I have been feeling rather low lately - feeling plump (nice word for FAT) and generally unattractive. Knowing spring would finally arrive at some point, I needed a perk, a pick-me-up, something, to make me feel pretty again. Of course, it's all cosmetic and underneath anything I do, is still this plump body... but I am sure there is a skinny person in there just dying to get out!

Saturday morning was delightfully gorgeous! Hot temperatures. I faithfully went to Weight Watchers, again, on Saturday morning to weigh in. I was very disappointed. After having what I thought was a very good week, I was up 1.6 lbs. To say I was frustrated is an understatement. Two weeks in a row - very well behaved in my eating habits. Nothing to show for it. I tried not to be overly discouraged, but how can I help that? I seriously felt like downing an entire bag of Lays Classic potato chips.... with high fat dip!! (focus, focus, focus)

I needed to get control..... Really. I mean it. So..... Let's reverse a day.....Step 1 to the "new improved" me.... Cut hair. Check. On Friday I visited my favourite salon, in Kingston, with my favourite stylist Lisa. She's awesome. She knows me inside and out. She was my confidante, my soul mate, my make-over artist extraordinaire. When I first started going to Lisa (in 1997) she basically did whatever I asked her to do. After regularly seeing her for a little over a year, I called her one day and said "Lisa, I need a change... go watch this movie (and I gave her the title) and THAT'S how I want my hair cut!" When I went into see her the next week, Lisa had a tray all set up for me and said "Heather, I am not doing your hair like that. After about a week you would hate it. Do you trust me?" Of course I trusted Lisa. Lisa then took my shoulder-length dark dark hair (I'm a natural chestnut brunette) and cut it short with incredible blond highlights. I fell in love with my new look very quickly and kept my hair like that for several years, varying the overall length, but basically hooked on blond layers. After moving to Newmarket in 2002 and trying several different salons, in frustration and bad hair, I returned to Kingston to get my hair cut - for another few years. I found someone in Newmarket, she went on maternity leave, found someone else, she quit, found someone else, she went on mat leave. Found a guy, he went on long term 'sick leave' (he's back, but I don't entirely trust him!). Bottom line, I missed Lisa. So, on Friday, as I said, I went to Kingston and had my hair cut and coloured again. I left there feeling rather perky, and very cute. Then Saturday morning struck, and the dreaded 'weigh in.' If I got all my hair cut off, shouldn't my weight go down?


I woke up Saturday to glorious sunshine. Hot temperatures promised throughout the day only bode well for my new cute look (admit it, I'm cute... he he) and perky spring in my step! I faithfully went to Weight Watchers to weigh in. I was very disappointed. After having what I thought was a very good week, I was up 1.6 lbs. To say I was frustrated is an understatement. Two weeks in a row - very well behaved in my eating habits. Nothing to show for it. I tried not to be overly discouraged, but how can I help that? I seriously felt like downing an entire bag of Lays Classic potato chips.... with high fat dip!! (focus, focus, focus)

I met my husband for breakfast afterwards at a little place in Newmarket called Spiducci's. If you haven't tried it, you should. Spiducci's uses no added salt to any of their foods and basically season with spices! Further, Spiducci's does not deep fry anything. Nothing. I had the junior breakfast - 2 eggs (poached), 1 sausage, 1 slice rye toast (no butter) and their signature home fries - THESE are worth trying! Previously cooked potatoes, now tossed on the grill with onions, peppers, a touch of lean ham, and lots of spice! *note - ask for a glass of water at the same time you order these.... and a box of Kleenex to wipe the tears! These are not for the timid taste buds!Saturday breakfast is my indulgence for the week. I was good after that. And hey, it could have been worse. I could have eaten at... *gasp*.... McDonald's! Eeewwww.

After breakfast, a quick trip to the grocery store to 'stock up' on the essentials. We've made the conscious decision lately to only buy what we need for the next few days, thus not allowing our aging brains to forget that we bought 300 pounds of spinach which is now rotting in the fridge (is THAT what that smell is?) Success at the grocery store, and a bill of $78. Not bad.

Home to work in the yard. This meant changing out of my official "weigh in" clothes (my black and now very faded yoga pants.) I donned a summer skirt - and of course had to shave my legs first.... I didn't realize how white my legs really were until I shaved!! 'Nuff said. I wiped down some patio chairs, didn't quite get the table out there yet, talked about how we were going to landscape this spring and took a break. Hey, wiping down two chairs takes a lot out of a person!
Scott needed to buy some topsoil to add to the front yard - so off we went into town to pick up dirt. Since I had a light tan skirt on, I didn't touch the dirty dirt. *Note to self: continue to wear light tan skirt to avoid messy yard work! While Scott worked away in the yard, I opened windows in the house - you can do that in a tan skirt without risk of getting all dirty!

I snacked throughout the day on grapes, yogurt, and for supper (since my husband and a neighbour went to a Jr. hockey game somewhere) I had some leftover pasta from a previous dinner (Catelli Smart Pasta with 9g of fibre per serving... ya baby) and homemade sauce made mostly with fresh veggies, tomatoes, herbs and spices... delicious! I was still in control and I made it all the way to dinner. Saturday evening, however, I began to reflect on my 1.6 lb increase, and ate two packages of weight watchers crisp thingies, and..... Helluva Dip. Who does that???? Feeling riddled with guilt, I washed it down with about a gallon of water.

Back in control on Sunday - breakfast was some high fibre cereal (2 pts) topped with 1/2 c of fresh blackberries 1/2 c raspberries) and 1/2 skim milk. Delicious and very healthy. Lunch was a bowl of Black Bean Soup from PC Blue Menu - also delicious and a whole wheat WW bagel. Now, dinner was a little different a little more challenging....

We were attending a banquet Sunday night and I was a little nervous but feeling still very much in control - soup was course number 1 - cream of leak. ARGH... CREAM SOUP, the dieter's nightmare. I ate it. It was really good! Next came the salad - green with a vinaigrette dressing. Okay, I ate it - not sure of the dressing but there wasn't much on mine so that was okay. Main course - chicken breast covered in a cream sauce of some sort. I scraped the cream sauce off my chicken, and also removed the skin! Okay, I'm good. I ate my veggies, and 1/2 of my mashed potatoes. Oh, and I left about 1/2 of my chicken too. Control level: still good. Dessert - sigh - dessert. A little pastry cup came, lined with chocolate, filled with a custard of some sort, topped with a few fresh berries and whipped cream. I removed the whipped cream from the top, ate the few berries, and about 1/2 of the custardy thing, left the edible cup.
Overall, I would said I was successful! I left the banquet not feeling stuffed, but not feeling hungry either. I basically stopped eating when I no long felt any hunger. I also ate very slowly. Maybe I'm finally catching on? Dare to dream!

So, today is Monday. I'm at work. I ate a healthy breakfast (cereal, skim milk, berries) packed a healthy lunch and a snack. Planned out tonight's dinner before I left for work. I am totally sick and tired of paying to weigh in every week - I need to do this - I HAVE to do this!

Wish me luck.... my skinny soul is screaming at my fat body to make way! My fat body better watch it, skinny me has attitude raging inside!

Easter Success!

I made it through Good Friday... no problems. My husband and I were busy most of the day, beginning at 3:15 a.m. when the alarm clock sounded! I could have thrown it through the window at that point! We were on our way to a Good Friday prayer vigil... and had to be there for 5 a.m. Yep, we made it. Went out to breakfast afterwards (at 7 a.m.) where I chose wisely: the menu listed 3 eggs, i asked for just 2, poached, and peameal bacon (low fat choice over regular bacon), with rye toast (hold the butter). AND COFFEE!!!!!

Mid day, I ate fruit and yogurt.

The rest of the day was fairly uneventful, thankfully. We did meet up with some friends and had a bite to eat at Williams Coffee Pub in Richmond Hill. I like that place. My husband and I shared a turkey club panini (1/2 each) which I did NOT enjoy. went home that evening, and ate a bowl of cereal. Ugh.

Weighed in on Saturday and I was down 0.8 lbs. Okay, I'll take it! Thank you. It did spur me on a bit to keep it up. From Weight Watchers (WW), we headed to IKEA to look for a bookshelf. Oooh, 99 c breakfast! We got into the line up and then an IKEA person told us that breakfast was done, but if we wanted to wait, lunch would start in 15 minutes. No thank you... I just wanted the cheapo breakfast. So, i saved myself the scrambled eggs and sausage and crap that you get for the 99c. Again, a little victory for me and one less dollar for IKEA. he he.

Picked out my bookcase and some other misc. shelves, etc. and headed for the checkout. The delicious and sinful aroma of cinnamon buns was beckoning me. While Scott lined up to pay for all my stuff, I thought, hm, no breakfast yet, maybe we should have a 50c hotdog!! So, I left him at the check out while I walked over to the food counter to order 2 50c hotdogs and 2 waters.... and um, a 6-pack of cinnamon buns. My $1 purchase (for the 2 hotdogs) turned in to $7.88 purchase (to add to my $300 IKEA bookshelves) It's okay. It's all okay. Loaded the stuff in the car and began the drive home. It was sunny and cool and the hotdog tasted like crap. ($1 wasted) the water was cold ($2) and the cinnamon buns dry ($4.88 wasted). I ate one bun - just one. When I got home I checked the points - each cinnamon bun was 8 points. Yikes. What a freaking waste of points! It was awful. Note: if you are in IKEA anytime soon, remember the cinnamon buns smell way better than they taste, and for 8 points, it's really a huge waste of money and points.

Feeling like I let myself down for eating and wasting those precious points, I made a healthy supper for the both of us: I call it "Heather's Pizza". I've written about it before, but here's the condensed version:
1 WW whole wheat tortilla (1 point),
1 tbs pizza sauce (0 point)
4 Yves veggie pepperoni slices (1/2 point)* (note 16 of these = 2 points)
30 gm light mozarella (2 points)
green peppers, onions, mushrooms (whatever veggies you want) (0 points)
I round it up to 4 points ea.
I made us two each for dinner for a total point value (each) of 7 pts (or 8 if you're rounding up). Try it, it's very filling.

So, back to the cinnamon buns.....My husband had 3 1/2 buns before the day was over. I literally felt ill watching him. Every time I looked at the package, another cinnamon bun was missing. Ick. Sunday morning he had another 1/2 bun before we left for church. The final cinnamon bun was shared 1/2 to Scott and the other 1/2 to my daughter's boyfriend before lunch - BEFORE lunch!

I wisely chose to have cereal and berries with skim milk for my breakfast on Easter Sunday. Success goes to Heather! Lunch consisted of a nice green salad (with sliced strawberries), Oven roasted potatoes, grilled pork tenderloin (very lean), cauliflower, asparagus. Very healthy Easter lunch indeed. Success to me again - I chose not to have bread with my lunch, nor cheese sauce on my cauliflower. Dessert, again success - I had purchased PC Blue Menu Apple Crisp - one serving is just 2 points!! I transferred the apple crisp into my own baking dish (he he) and baked it, and passed it off as "home baked", which, technically, it was! Everyone else had ice cream with their dessert. Not me. I had it plain. YES! I'mn catching on! There were also some sickly sweet Easter cookies. I passed on those and gave the leftovers to my daughter's boyfriend and his family to take home. YES!!!

In the early evening (around 5:30 p.m.) I had a Fibre 1 bar - 2 points - to hold me over while I decided what to do about supper... Supper. Supper. Did I really need it? Nooooo. Supper, therefore, consisted of a hot cross bun with 1 tsp of butter. toasted. delicous. and a yogurt on the side.

All in all, I had a very successful weekend. I recognized the cinnamon buns were not worth 8 points - although I wished I had checked them BEFORE I ate one at all!! *sigh* note to self: Check first, inhale cinnamon buns second!

Now it's Monday. How am I doing? I didn't have time for breakfast this morning before I left home. I packed my cereal. Added some berries (in a baggie for later). I bought skim milk at work (5 pts). I had my healthy breakfast, as usual. Mid morning snack - Fibre 1 bar (2 pts)
Lunch wads a tuna sandwich (4 pts... the way I make it, it's just 4 points, but WW bread is key!), an apple (1 pt) 1 fat free sugar free yogurt (1 pt). I'm on track....

Hope my enthusiasm lasts the entire week!

Oh, get serious!

Okay, so yesterday I blogged about stupid stuff. I am, shamefully, embarassed that I actually wrote that! Today - I'll get serious!

I read an article today about the five things to do to boost your metabolism. My metabolism, being menopausal, not only needs boosting it needs booster cables and a jump start.

1. The first thing is not to skip breakfast. Check. Got that covered. Love my breakfast. Hm, so far so good.
2. Eat more protein. Check. Hey, I'm good at this stuff!
3. Say "adios" to refined grains. Um, okay, no white bread, right? That's okay, I like multi grain type breads and whole wheat pasta. I think this may mean adios to cookies!
4. Watch for and stick to low glycemic index foods. What? So I had to look that up. This means eat fruits, veggies, and other good stuff (avoid white breads, pastas, rice).
5. Think green! Okay, I have my recycling under control, what has this got to do with metabolism! Ya, I know - greens, as in salad crap, er, delicious salads, etc.

This is a lot of work. I think it may be easier just to use the jumper cables! Oh, I learned something today - a large milkshake from McDonald's has half of your daily calorie intake (approx 1130 cal) and 28 gms of FAT (17 of those are saturated). This is as much as having two quarter pounders! UGH! Yet, I can really get my teeth into a quarter pounder... as obscene as that sounds. Maybe my real issue is that I'm addicted to food porn!

The bunny, the bunny...whoa i love the bunny.

So Easter is around the corner. With Easter comes delicious chocolate - better known as "The Bunny". Whether I like my chocolate in bunny form, or as an egg, or just a blur as it whizzes from a box into my mouth... there's no denying, I am accutely aware that my chocolate fixation is heightened at certain times of the year - Christmas, Valentine's Day, and Easter! Oh the bunny!

Personally, my bunny is not in bunny form but rather anything - seriously anything - that is covered in chocolate. So I'm doing my best to avoid the sweet confection. But I think chocolate actually may be stalking me - ya, that's it, it's stalking me! I was looking up recipes to cook something a little different.... beef.... ya nothing different there... but one of the ingredients was bitter chocolate! Beef and chocolate???? Yikes. See? It haunts me. stalks me, beckons me to follow it into the abyss of "I'm never leaving your thighs and butt" land. How am I ever going to be thin?

It made me wonder. Chocolate should be a controlled substance, especially for women! We all know what it does to us! Definitely controlled. Need a prescription for it. "Doctor, I'm ill, I think I need chocolate" "Hmmm, okay, I see your plight - I prescribe chocolate 3 x a day for the next 10 days, be sure to finish all your medication." Oh thank you! Sounds way too easy. The problem, of course, with controlling a substance is that it ends up on street corners being sold by punk kids trying to hook a whole new generation on the chocolate substance. Pssst, wanna fix of chocolate? Do you need to ask? Chocolate could become the drug of choice for me. I can see it now - I'd sell everything I own to get my chocolate fix. When I finally hit rock bottom, I'd be living on the street, begging on corners, please ma'am just a small square of caramilk? I'm hurtin' bad! People would avoid me, walk on opposite sides of the street, small children would point and stare while their mother's would whisper as they walked by "she used to have it all, until chocolate took over her life." Maybe I'd go into chocolate rehab. Maybe I would join a chocolate support group! Hi, my name is Heather and it's been 24 hours since my last chocolate fix. After the meeting, we'd all go for coffee and someone might slip a square of dark stuff into my pocket.... **shudder** Oh the bunny.
Maybe I could find something else to obsess about at Easter, and Christmas and any other significant day.

Okay, enough. No bunny for me this year! Apparently it completely ruins your life! Stupid bunnies! Pass the carrots (with a side of eggs!)





The Bunny, the bunny, whoa I love the bunny
I don't love my mom or my dad, just the bunny
The Bunny, the bunny, Yeah I love the bunny
I gave everything that I had for the bunny
I don't want no heath food when it's time to feed
A big bag o' bunnies is all that I need
I don't want no buddies to come out and play
I'll sit on my sofa eat bunnies all day
I wont go to church and I wont go to school,
that stuff is for sissys, but bunnies are cool!
I don't want no pickles, I don't want no honey,
I just want a plate and a fork and a bunny
I don't want a tissue when my nose is runny,
I just want a plate and a fork and a bunny
I don't want to tell you a joke that is funny,
I just want a plate and a fork and a bunny
I don't want to play on a day that is sunny,
I just want a plate and a fork and a bunny
(words courtesy of veggie tales)

Butter me up, baby!

I recently watched (again) the movie "Kate & Leopold" in which Leopold, a duke from the 18th century, is transported to modern day New York through some weird time continuum. Far fetched, but cute. So is Leopold. Falling for New York ad exec Kate, he agreed to participate in a screen test for, and then shoot a commercial for "Farmer's Bounty", a margarine that was supposed to taste like butter. The day he shot the commercial was the high point and explains my distaste for margarine. The scene goes like this (sort of)... Leopold has a close up with him after his 'butler' serves him the Farmer's Bounty. "Fresh, creamery butter.... is there anything that tastes so good...." and then goes on to talk about how Farmer's bounty is lower in fat, and will add to your taste buds while not adding to your waistline. Then, he bites into his bread that he smothered in the supposed delicious tasting butter substitute, Farmer's Bounty. The look of utter anguish on his face as he tries hard to swallow it is priceless. He then goes on a rant about how disgusting it is. He lost the commercial! Kate, later tells him it's margarine, it's supposed to taste bad. And that, my friends, is where I enter the debate.....

This week, I had a debate with a fellow dieter *gasp*, about the use of butter or margarine. I love butter, and butter loves me! We have a mutual understanding - I won't discuss the saturated fat in butter if it doesn't add pounds to my thighs. I've kept my end of the bargain. Butter on the other hand, did not! It has wrapped itself nicely around my thighs ... and butt... and other places. I have forgiven butter because I love it so.... But, before I discard with my affair with butter, let me present my argument.

Until recently, all margarines were hydrogenated (a process of heating refined vegetable oils) which of course, produced a dangerous type of fat called Trans Fatty acids. Nasty things, these trans fats. I also learned that another way of "disguising" trans fats was to label them as partially hydrogenated oils. Gasp! Imagine! Partially! Now, of course, with the emphasis on lowering the nasty cholesterol (LDL) margarines have been 'healthified' - yes that's a word, I made it up myself! It means they are not totally healthy, but healthier than they were! They now contain omega 3 and plant sterols. According to my university nutrition course (that's supposed to make me sound like an expert) omega 3 keep your brain functioning and also acts as an anti-inflamatory. Omega 3 is also good for the health of your heart. Plant sterols, apparently, help reduce cholesterol.

So, what about my beloved butter?

Well, butter is natural. it is also an excellent source (seriously) of fat-soluble vitamins A, D, E and K. It is a pure fat (okay that sounded bad as soon as I wrote it down) and doesn't contain many of the allergens found in other dairy products, so people who are generally sensitive to dairy can tolerate butter very nicely, thank you!. Unfortunately, the downside to butter is that it contains dietary cholesterol (the bad stuff) and saturated fat. *Here, I hang my head in shame* One teaspoon of butter contains 7 gms of saturated fat. The recommended daily allowance of saturated fats is no more than 10-15 gms per day. Yikes. Saturated fat is the leading cause of heart disease.

So, I concluded that butter and margarine both have their good and bad points. It comes down to personal preference. Given the pros/cons of each, I choose butter! I do limit my intake of the creamy indulgence, and count each point (1 tsp = 1 pt). Other than the omega 3, lower fat content, and plant sterols, I still believe that butter is a healthy choice especially for the fat soluble vitamins! but agree it must be used in moderation! Your body NEEDS a certain amount of fat. (he he... i can justify anything). I do try to eliminate much of the crap in my diet as possible, and I therefore choose unsalted butter. Next time you are in the grocery store check out the sodium level of your beloved margarine over my beloved unsalted butter! Butter wins.

Butter is my treat. I don't use it everyday. I use it sparingly. I count the points. I make sure that I get my other things in, the other plant sterols, omega 3, etc., that my body and brain need to keep functioning. It seriously comes down to personal preference, and I prefer the taste of butter over the falsely labeled margarine...."I can't believe it's not butter"... who ever came up with that slogan should be shot! I can't believe it's EDIBLE should be the real name! Ick. I have weighed the health benefits/risks of both.

Feeling quite justified in my argument with my friend and now I have only one thing left to say....


Please pass the butter!!!!

Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil

Well, here I am in Savannah, Ga. The weather is delightful. The food is more delightful. Savannah is home to the sensational murder featured in the book and movie "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil"... a freaky movie with Kevin Spacey based on a true story. My problem with Savannah is that at midnight, I'm usually up here with others who are drinking and eating all the bar snacks. So I'm being good with my club soda's but evil with the bar snacks. I don't even know how to count them. I'm not. I'm getting ahead of myself... let's start at the beginning.

Leaving Toronto airport I had my Timmies card with me and thought I'd grab a bite at the airport - sorry ma'am, this is a cash only location. ARGH. Cash, cash... think Heather, what does that look like. Cash... oh here it is! Okay, I have... no cash! I had enough in my wallet to buy an all important coffee (no winning cup) and yogurt. Okay, so far I'm on plan! Arrive in Washington, D.C. No U.S. money. Thankfully only 55 minutes between flights and that's not enough time to switch terminals, find my new gate and settle in. Arrive in Savannah - at 7:00 p.m. Starving! Seriously starving. I'm sure that another 1/2 hr and I would have passed out cold. We got to the hotel... and by 'we' I mean myself and my boss and other science geek types. we decided to meet for dinner in the hotel at 7:45. The restaurant was phenomenal - decadent - not on plan! Figured I'd be okay though, because I hadn't eaten all day. I ordered chicken, grilled. No wine. I got to bed after midnight.

The next morning I met my trainees (I brought 3 with me, 1 from Toronto and 2 from Calgary) for breakfast in the same location as we had dinner the night before. The menu was full of delightful things as eggs bene, etc. I ordered a bowl of fresh berries and an english muffin, butter on the side. I'm in control! Off to Savannah via water taxi for a morning of walking - it was quite warm. Found the most delicious store "Savannah Candy Factory" where they were giving out free samples of the pralines. YUMMY!!!! Yes, of course I had one, or two... and then went back from a different direction, for a third! Back at the hotel, lunch was 'boxed' at the first session of this conference. I ate my sandwich (no mayo), the apple, and a club soda to drink. I reluctanty let my brownie disappear from my box and into the trash. It didn't want to go. It went kicking and screaming... oh wait, that was me!

Dinner, again, was quite decadent and I gave up the chocolate cake for dessert... I clervly said "I can't eat chocolate"... so they brought me key lime pie - REAL key lime pie... I ate half of it - the slice not the pie! Then an evening at the hotel bar where I had more club soda this time sexed up a bit with a slice of lime. I didn't get to bed until after 1:30 a.m.

Friday, we took the water taxi over into Savannah and ate at Huey's, a wide-open waterfront cafe. Not much healthy on the menu here... in fact NOTHING healthy. The three trainees had (a) a seafood omlette (scallops, shrimp, lobster) smothered in hollandaise, (b) Eggs benedict & cheese grits, and (c) bacon & eggs. I had french toast with pecan butter.... it was so covered in sugar I was almost ill eating it. I didn't finish it, couldn't finish it. I also had 2 cups of very strong coffee (I was tired!). Strangely, I was slightly hyper for the morning! We walked the entire morning, again, in the historic district of Savannah. Side note: if you ever get the chance to visit here, you should! Arriving back at the hotel for lunch.... we found out lunch was not provided. Okay, I'm still living on my caffeine although I did have a sugar crash. Thankfully there was a 'snack' provided to delegates - fruit kabobs. I had 2.... and a granola bar. At the break - more fruit. Dinner was beef....and shrimp. I had the beef with asparagus and grilled tomatoes.. and some ooey gooey good potato dish... YES I ATE IT!

So here's where it pays to know the meeting planner.... She knew my efforts to try to lose weight and tried to plan her menus around what was 'healthy'... remember we are in the south and healthy means skipping the grits with breakfast. The meals had sauces that were not creamed, the salad was caesar - mine came without dressing and they brought me a vinegarette on the side, the soup the second night was lobster bisque... I had vegetable soup - the only one in the room! I feel good!

Mid afternoons are my down time and danger time... to easy to grab something not healthy to stuff down my throat. Thankfully, I packed a few 2 pt bars, and MJ gave me a really yummy granola bar with chocolate (1 point) that was phenomenal!!! These little treats are getting me through to dinner.

Now it's 8:48 a.m. on Saturday and my friends back home are all weighing - in. Me.... I'm off to a fresh berry breakfast again and a morning poolside. I'm feeling in control. I'm feeling good. I'm feeling a little tired, but sitting by the pool, in the 80 degree sunshine, relaxing, will feel good today. I just have one question.....

Where did I put my pralines?

Rrrrroll up the Rrrrrrim

Yes indeed. It's Roll Up The Rim time at Tim Horton's. I love Timmies. They are so polite. Every year I am handed cup after cup that very politely gives me an invitation to visit them again any time! The infamous "please play again" cups! I get one every time. The irritating thing about Roll Up The Rim (RUTR) is the crazy long line ups both in store and at the drive thru's. As if the line ups weren't long enough already! People desperate to win a free coffee, or a muffin! Me? No, I'm content to receive my polite invitation to come back again anytime I feel like it!

Today is Friday. Weigh-in is tomorrow. Today is also dress down day at work so I'm wearing my jeans. I have my own 'rim' that I can roll up! Yep. The tummy fat - probably left behind from Fat Tuesday - has rolled itself over the top of my jeans. I can literally pick it up and roll it now! Roll up the fat! That's my new mantra! I mean, after all, there could be a prize under it!!! Ooooh maybe there's a flat tummy in there somewhere. So what if I roll... up.... and dream of pushing all that rolled up fat into my breasts! Eureka... I rolled up a winner!

Nope, nothing.... so now my middle looks like a muffin. Mmm, muffin...
I'm on my way to Timmies... the muffins are calling me. My flat tummy will have to wait.

Fat Tuesday

Fat Tuesday... the mere sound of that sends shivers up my spine. Today is the day we are supposed to indulge in 'fatness' in preparation for Ash Wednesday... or as it is better known, the start of Lent. So in keeping with a healthy lifestyle, today the cafeteria at the hospital is serving pancakes, bacon, sausages, etc. Strangely Fat Tuesday never really held a fascination over me. The one day of the year that I am NOT obsessed with food, I think. I guess the purpose is to fatten yourself up so that you can live off that fat during lent. Not entirely sure. Sounds reasonable though.

So, here's the problem. What happens when Fat Tuesday started in 1997? I did go through a "lean" period for about 2 years (2002-2003) when I was just 5 pounds away from my ultimate goal weight. Sigh. Really I'm living in Fat Decade. I figure lent can last for about 15 years now! I've got enough padding to see to it that I don't waste away to nothingness. This week at weigh in, I was up 1.6 lbs. That's my first gain in a while, well, since Fat Christmas anyway. I'm calling it Fat Setback. In order to discipline myself to get through this week, I found a new route into work - one that goes right through the centre of just about every underground food court imaginable. I found a Great Canadian Bagel! I thought they were out of business! I was so excited I had to buy a Cheddar Jalapeno Bagel, toasted, with butter. *Note my self control in not getting cream cheese. Hey I'll take every little plus I can! Okay, thought I, one bagel is not going to hurt me. The next day... I had a Cheddar Jalapeno Bagel, toasted, with butter... and a muffin when I got to work. I'm on a downward spiral.

Today - I took the subway! No underground walking which I foolishly call exercise! I did stop at Timmies and got an herbal tea and no muffin, no bagel, nothing. Today, it is Fat Tuesday. Today I will be like Jack Sprat who could eat no fat. Unfortunately the rest of the week I'm more like his wife who could eat no lean!

Today, I am very aware that fatness is all around me (and apparently stuck to my thighs and butt), today I made my lunch, which is lean, and I have it here with me. Today, on Fat Tuesday, I am JACK SPRAT!!!

Tomorrow.... well, that's another story.....

Valentine's Day... I Heart Chocolate

Happy day-after Valentine's day! My weigh-in yesterday - I was down 0.4 lbs again. Okay not earthshaking but hey, that's three weeks in a row with a weight loss, so I'm happy about it.

Yesterday was also Valentine's Day... I need a T-Shirt that says "I survived Valentine's Day". My husband, my biggest supporter, did not buy me chocolate. I was glad he didn't. I was disappointed he didn't. No, really, I was glad he didn't. We decided not to go out for a price-inflated dinner and opted to cook. Yes! I could control what I ate if I ate it at home. So, we had steak - which Scott bbq'd (a little too well done for my liking, but... meh.... still tasted good!) T-Bones! I baked a few potatoes, steamed some asparagus, and made a delicious spinach salad. Very healthy dinner. Until the bread. My weakness is carbs.. bad carbs... like delicious french bread! sigh... tasted great! Okay, I did limit the bread so I did maintain some control. Dinner was great, I didn't finish my steak and gave half of it to Scott.

Oh, I found a new salad dressing that I love! Renee's Wellness, Tuscan Vegetable... 0 points!! HUGE flavour. Try it.

Did I say I 'heart' chocolate? Yep. I do. So while Scott did not buy me chocolate, we did have a delicious chocolate swirl cheesecake for dessert. Why, pray tell, do I not check these things out before I eat them? I had a tiny piece - and I mean tiny - and it was 7 points. 7! ARGH. I vowed never again would I waste so many points on such a tiny bit of food again. NEVER! Oh the determination. The resolve. The guts!

I survived Valentine's Day. Today is Sunday. I had some delicious black-bean soup for lunch with the leftover salad and my new favourite dressing. Total lunch points - 3!! Ya baby. I'm good. I feel in control. I feel successful. I need to celebrate my success...

um....please pass the cheesecake!

Swiss Chalet - Okay!

Hi. My name is Heather. It's been 2 days since my last Swiss Chalet binge. (HI HEATHER)

I am a [hangs head] Swiss Chalet-a-holic. I ate at SC (as we addicts fondly call it) on Saturday. Chicken breast (I ate the skin), fries (I ate the fries) ordered a multigrain roll but got a white roll instead (I ate the roll), and sauce (I had the sauce) and sauce (I had another sauce)... and butter... and coffee (with milk in it, because after all I am watching my weight!)

Damage:
Chicken - 6
Fries - 11
Roll - 2
Butter - 2
Famous Chalet Dipping Sauce (x2) - 2
Coffee - 0
Milk - negligible

Grand total: 23 points

Then, a colleague of mine called and asked if I wanted to grab lunch with her. Grab lunch? Grab my bulging gut instead! "Sure, I'd love to. Where are we going"... Ya, Swiss Chalet. So, determined to be better with my choices, I chose a very healthy lunch but somehow when the server asked me it came out as "Chicken, white, with fries and a multi grain roll... oh and can I have a glass of water please?" Clever, I know... throw in the water to make it "healthy".

Ashamed of myself, and riddled with guilt... I ate my chicken - with the skin, I ate my MULTI-GRAIN roll (one butter thank you!) and I ate most of my fries. I was proud of myself - I left abut 1/2 dozen on my plate! I'm improving! Grand total for lunch: 23 p0ints. Okay, really... who doesn't like SC fries? Really.

I went home that night and had soup. Just soup.

I determined that I must be better at this if I'm ever going to get my wardrobe pay-off. As I rolled into bed I scolded myself and then drifted off with a heartburn filled fitful sleep - fries drenched in sauce were chasing me!

Let's Make A Deal....

Let's Make A Deal... Monty Hall.... game show... come on, you've heard of it!! Hmm, maybe I'm dating myself here. LMAD was a game show where people in the audience dressed in the wackieste costumes they could think of to get the attention of MC Monty Hall. He would then ask them for stupid things like "I'll give you $100 right now if you have a used tea bag in your purse" Usually somebody did! But then there was the big deal at the end "do you want to trade your veg-o-matic chopper for what's behind door number 1, door number 2, or door number 3? And yes people did. Sometimes they got awesome trips, sometimes they got, um, teabags!

Fast forward to 2008 - Deal or no deal. You don't even need a teabag for that one! Just figure out where the money is in the briefcases (held by very trim models) and you win.

Fast forward again - February 8, 2009. Let's Make A Deal or No Deal - Nash version!

Yes, that's right... I struck a deal! I was complaining that I had no clothes to wear - okay well I had clothes, just not anything I liked wearing! sheesh... don't be so technical! Anyway...... My husband asked me the dangerous question about what my 'goal weight' was. Gulp. I told him! Yikes... right out on that proverbial limb! So here's the deal.... My darling man made me a deal - reach my goal weight and he would give me this certain sum of cash to buy a new wardrobe with. Really? Well, hey, if I lose all that weight I'm going to need to unmentionables (to mention them here that would be, well bras, etc.) So the deal includes a seperate budget for lingerie! Oh ya baby.

Deal!

I am pretty darn freaking motivated now. My lunch is packed today. I have healthy fresh lunch in my work fridge here. I have a case of water sitting beside it (I like it room temp). My weigh in on Saturday gave me a bit of oomph as well as I was down 1.4 lbs. Ya, yippee for me! It was a triumph, a small one, but a triumph in an otherwise tough week. I still haven't lost the weight I gained over the Christmas Season! Sigh. But now, oh yes now... the motivation is on!

Hmm... I probably should have negotiated a budget for new shoes too... sans used teabags!