I'm just a whirling dirvish!

I often wonder if I'll ever get my excess weight off.  I had lunch a while ago with a friend (and former WW member).  We were lamenting the trials and errors, the losses and gains, of the weight loss game.  We were both determined to 'be better' to buckle down, to get'er done!  We did this while we ate our salads and pizza.  PIZZA!  We justified it.  Neither one had any meat on the pizza (thank you Mr. Greenjeans) but still, it was pizza.  We did promise to stay connected and accountable.  I guess I should call her soon, it's been about 3 weeks now!  So much for promises!

Since that delicious, not weight-watchers friendly, pizza lunch, I've been to New Orleans.  Nothing was weight watcher friendly there!  I had way too much alcohol (gin & tonic, wine, martini's and cosmo's, oh my!) and way way too much decadent food!  It was non-stop.

Since returning from NOLA, I have really struggled to get back on track.  Why?  I'm tired of watching every bite I put in my mouth.  I'm tired of tracking, tired of it all!!!  I skipped WW last week.  I could have gone, I suppose, but chose not to.  I went out with a friend instead.  We did a Christmas Tour of Homes in the little town I live in.  I invited her for breakfast first.  I think I subconsciously did that so that I would have to stay home in the morning and not go weigh in.  You know, I needed to "prepare".  Hogwash.  Also went out for lunch that day.  Also went to a party that evening - the first holiday part of the season! And, then went to Swiss Chalet the next day and ordered a "Festive Special" - with fries!  and ate it all!!! 

I'm spinning out of control, a whirling dirvish! 

What to do?  What to do?  I'll weigh in on Saturday, and, in the words of fearless Sue... I'll "suck it up, buttercup."   Yep, I'll get back on track... after I finish this cinnamon bun!

*sigh*

whirling.... whirling...whirling....

Birthday Weekend Extravaganza.... and Julia Child

Friday, February 5th was my birthday.  My adorable husband took me out for dinner - to the Wild Onion, a new little restaurant here in my little town. The menu was extraordinary.  I had bison. Done to perfection. And a wonderful chocolate mousse for dessert.    I kept thinking "eat in moderation... you are weighing in tomorrow morning."  I tried.  I truly did try! The food was absolutely fantastic.

From the Wild Onion, we walked over to the Uxbridge Music Hall to see "Guys and Dolls".  I love community theatre.  People in Community Theatre have such passion!  Guys & Dolls was fantastic.  I highly recommend supporting your own local community theatre.  It was a long evening, but great.

After a short night sleep, I was up and showered, dressed, and on my way to my weigh-in.  I was scared... I had done great all week, but having such a huge dinner the night before I knew would interfere with any planned 'success.'  I was right, I was up 1.4 lbs.  RATS!  I'm sure it had to do with the wine, the garlic mashed potatoes, the chocolate mousse.  

Well, birthday weekend extravaganza continued and Scott and I ended up going out for breakfast after my weigh-in.  We went to The Buttery, a nice little place in Newmarket.  Poached eggs, rye toast, peameal bacon, and I substituted the home fries for some sliced tomatoes.  That was a good thing!  Overall, a successful breakfast.  But the food fest continued.... and I ate my way through Saturday, ending with a favourite recipe from my childhood.  My mom used to make this wonderful "Pasty Pie" which was basically beef, potatoes and onions in pastry.  So delicious.  Mind you, she used to use stewing beef... I modified the recipe years ago to some good quality steak!  Much better!

Scott bought me a pre-viewed copy of Julie & Julia and that was my favourite part of my birthday.  I watched it last night and loved every minute of it.  It is my favourite movie.  I'm watching it again today. 

I'm back on track today, and planning the rest of my week...  I have a few business meetings this week, out of town, which always means food. 

Oh food, glorious food! 

Nothing tastes as good as......

There is a saying "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels"... There are days I'd like to sock whomever said that right in the nose! It's obvious! But it's also frustrating. As if chanting this mantra will magically make the pounds drop off, I've been 'chanting' it all week. The pounds aren't listening to me!! I think they are saying "no no no no no no... nothing tastes as good as a Snickers Bar!" Okay, they may just be right! But to feel thin again... oh to feel thin again. Dare I dream with such boldness?

I've been sharing with a WW friend my frustrations. I'm up - again. Will I ever get the weight off? I found this picture of myself. Yep, that's me with the cute hair and thin face.. THIN face. This is how I looked when I was dating my husband. I felt young, attractive, thin.. and I felt *gasp* sexy! I was just 5 pounds from my goal weight. I had recently moved from Kingston, Ontario where I was religiously following the WW plan. I moved to Newmarket, Ontario and decided, heck, it's only 5 pounds! I can do this on my own. WRONG. I was good for a time, not losing anything and just gaining a tiny little bit, which i thought was OK. By the time my husband and I had been married about a year, I had pretty much gained most of it back. And it continued to pack on! I went to weight watchers a few time - an at-work program, which didn't work for me, and tried a few other Saturday morning groups. I settled,finally, on one group that I clicked with - it was more the leader who is incredibly caring.... and funny.

However, after a few (several) false starts, I'm still where I was when I started 2 years ago! How much money have I invested in false starts? Don't ask. I have two good weeks, a bad week, a semi good week, 3 bad weeks, etc. and quite seriously I haven't lost a pound overall! WHY? Because my mantra is all screwed up... Nothing tastes as good as [insert favourite food]. I've got to stop that. What is it about eating that holds such power over me? What is it about snacking in the evening that I can't seem to shake? I don't know! Seriously, I don't!

How do I look today? Here's the newest picture, taken September of this year. Look at the double/triple chin!! Look at the size of those cheeks! (The ones on the face - because I wouldn't DARE show the 'other' ones!) Comparing these two pictures recently depressed me beyond belief! I had flashbacks of a previous life when this is how I looked and felt all the time. Fat. Ugly. Totally UN-sexy. Not only did I gain back 55 pounds but I added another 10 to that! 65 pounds HEAVIER than when I was just a few short years ago. So, the question is; how do I get beyond these feelings and get back to BELIEVING that nothing really does taste as good as thin feels? I'm not entirely sure. I do know that I need to stop - STOP - snacking in the evenings. That's my killer time - it's just a nasty habit. So - STOP:

S: Sure I can eat but why am I?

T: Take time to evaluate my motives.

O: Oh my goodness, get out and walk!

P: Practice good self-talk.

Okay, those are the most 'scientific' things to say, but they are real and they are from my gut! Which is rumbling... I better drink some water so I don't down another snickers bar today!

I'm really not hungry... I am a food addict. I love food. I love to eat food. I love to cook food. I can out-eat most people I know! All kinds of people have all kinds of addictions, I eat. I am a food-aholic, seriously! The only time I'm not thinking about food is when I'm shopping. And there's a whole other can of worms!

Maybe I need a different mantra.....

All I know for sure is: "Hello, my name is Heather, and I'm a foodaholic. It's been 30 minutes since my last binge*"

*the snickers bar really was delicious!