Nothing tastes as good as......

There is a saying "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels"... There are days I'd like to sock whomever said that right in the nose! It's obvious! But it's also frustrating. As if chanting this mantra will magically make the pounds drop off, I've been 'chanting' it all week. The pounds aren't listening to me!! I think they are saying "no no no no no no... nothing tastes as good as a Snickers Bar!" Okay, they may just be right! But to feel thin again... oh to feel thin again. Dare I dream with such boldness?

I've been sharing with a WW friend my frustrations. I'm up - again. Will I ever get the weight off? I found this picture of myself. Yep, that's me with the cute hair and thin face.. THIN face. This is how I looked when I was dating my husband. I felt young, attractive, thin.. and I felt *gasp* sexy! I was just 5 pounds from my goal weight. I had recently moved from Kingston, Ontario where I was religiously following the WW plan. I moved to Newmarket, Ontario and decided, heck, it's only 5 pounds! I can do this on my own. WRONG. I was good for a time, not losing anything and just gaining a tiny little bit, which i thought was OK. By the time my husband and I had been married about a year, I had pretty much gained most of it back. And it continued to pack on! I went to weight watchers a few time - an at-work program, which didn't work for me, and tried a few other Saturday morning groups. I settled,finally, on one group that I clicked with - it was more the leader who is incredibly caring.... and funny.

However, after a few (several) false starts, I'm still where I was when I started 2 years ago! How much money have I invested in false starts? Don't ask. I have two good weeks, a bad week, a semi good week, 3 bad weeks, etc. and quite seriously I haven't lost a pound overall! WHY? Because my mantra is all screwed up... Nothing tastes as good as [insert favourite food]. I've got to stop that. What is it about eating that holds such power over me? What is it about snacking in the evening that I can't seem to shake? I don't know! Seriously, I don't!

How do I look today? Here's the newest picture, taken September of this year. Look at the double/triple chin!! Look at the size of those cheeks! (The ones on the face - because I wouldn't DARE show the 'other' ones!) Comparing these two pictures recently depressed me beyond belief! I had flashbacks of a previous life when this is how I looked and felt all the time. Fat. Ugly. Totally UN-sexy. Not only did I gain back 55 pounds but I added another 10 to that! 65 pounds HEAVIER than when I was just a few short years ago. So, the question is; how do I get beyond these feelings and get back to BELIEVING that nothing really does taste as good as thin feels? I'm not entirely sure. I do know that I need to stop - STOP - snacking in the evenings. That's my killer time - it's just a nasty habit. So - STOP:

S: Sure I can eat but why am I?

T: Take time to evaluate my motives.

O: Oh my goodness, get out and walk!

P: Practice good self-talk.

Okay, those are the most 'scientific' things to say, but they are real and they are from my gut! Which is rumbling... I better drink some water so I don't down another snickers bar today!

I'm really not hungry... I am a food addict. I love food. I love to eat food. I love to cook food. I can out-eat most people I know! All kinds of people have all kinds of addictions, I eat. I am a food-aholic, seriously! The only time I'm not thinking about food is when I'm shopping. And there's a whole other can of worms!

Maybe I need a different mantra.....

All I know for sure is: "Hello, my name is Heather, and I'm a foodaholic. It's been 30 minutes since my last binge*"

*the snickers bar really was delicious!

Fridays... why is it always on friday???

I hate Fridays. I actually hate this entire week. I'm weak. Very weak.

I had a terrible week as far as my lack of self-control goes. And now, it's Friday again. Weigh in is tomorrow.

I suck!