It's not me, it's my metabolism!

I've been avoiding blogging, avoiding going to WW and avoiding discussing food issues with anyone lately. I just 'fessed up' to a friend from WW about my struggle and *gulp* my actual weight! What a humbling an experience that was.

I have been playing around with weight loss for the past 2 1/2 years! How much have I actually lost - overall? 1 lb. Sick. Well, it's not me... it's my metabolism! What a crock that line is! Have you seen that TV commercial for another weight loss program? It's not me??? really??? How comforting. It's my metabolism. All this time I just thought my stagnation in weight loss was due to potato chip binges, visits to Kawartha Dairy, too much butter, no exercise, and tons of other things I had been doing!

Imagine - I'm not at fault after all!!!! It's my METABOLISM! Oh give me a break! That's as ridiculous as saying the balloon boy is in the balloon when the entire time he was hiding in the attic at home! Well, I'm balloon girl... I've been flirting with the excitement of weight loss when all along I've been hiding in my kitchen and eating! However, I do feel vindicated... metabolism. My new magic word!

Today I made a dinner for a friend (her baby is undergoing open heart surgery this morning) and when I did the calculations on the recipe, modified by me, it works out to approx. 5 pts per serving. Why don't I do that for myself??? I'm feeling discouraged, defeated, and icky! Icky is the appropriate word to use - it means ICKY!

I've missed the last several weeks of WW - I was in Halifax, NS for work. I was subjected to hotel food for a week. The 3 mornings (out of 7) that I could choose my own breakfast I did make great choices - two mornings I had fresh fruit - tons and tons of it, the other morning I had an eggwhite omelet with broccoli & a tiny bit of cheese-and a side of fruit! Really good! However, that didn't help counter all the high fat meals that were served. Why does everything have to come with a sauce of some sort??? I did a rough calculation of points for the "gala" dinner on the first official evening - 38 points!!!! And that didn't include dessert. It seemed most meals were a minimum of 25-30 points. Thank goodness for all the fruit I ate! Good source of fibre!

I've been back for almost 2 weeks now, but not back to healthy eating. I weighed myself this morning and I am up... to the point where I am just 1 lb below my starting weight. I am deflated (unlike balloon boy's balloon!) and chubby... and incredibly ashamed of myself.

Oh - more humiliation... I had a clothing party at my home recently - Jockey person-to-person - really nice. I think you need to be a size 0 to fit into a medium!!!! The large was obviously not large enough and I sadly had to opt for an XL. I hang my head in shame.

So, what am I going to do about it? Good question. I wish I could say I'm going to be perfect from here on in, but we all know that would be a lie. I will say that I will seek help when I need it, I will talk to friends when I need it, I will treat myself with the respect I deserve, and I will make good choices.

It's Thursday... I've got two full days until I weigh in again. I can do this. What did I learn this week? well....contrary to the TV commercial:

It IS me...it's NOT my metabolism!!!

Middle of the week... or is that "weak"???

I've been so busy at work these past few days, getting in very early and staying quite late. It's not good for my weight loss efforts! Last night, for instance, at Union Station I was starving!! Union is a foodaholics worst nightmare! The aroma of Cinnabons was wafting through the air. Fresh bread from Michels. Chocolate from Laura Secord. Ice cream from Dairy Queen. Harveys. Mmmmmuffins. And of course, the dreaded McDonalds, to name just a few. Knowing I wouldn't be home until at least 8:30 I knew I better eat something or the second I walked in my door I would eat whatever wasn't nailed down.

I chose Mr. Sub. Turkey. Whole wheat. No sauces and lots of veggies. Good choice. Score one for me!

Got home, still hungry. Ate a banana. Score.

Mid week... or should that be "mid WEAK" is always difficult.

Going for coffee.....

Monday Monday.....

After a dismal weekend - cold, wet, and just plan ugh - today is filled with beautiful sunshine! As I look out my office window, I don't see a single cloud. But, I digress... first the weekend:

I reluctantly got my butt to Weight Watchers on Saturday, after my usual first stop at Tim's to get my morning java... sans muffin. I was late, but thankfully there was no line up to weigh in. I guess everyone had arrived early - the place was pretty full! Again, reluctantly, I stepped on the little square monster - the one known as "the scale".... oooh, the mere mention of the name send shudders through me at times! This day, however, was not one of them. Despite my foray into muffin eating and apple delights over the week, the scale took pity on me and I was down 1.6 lbs! Yahoo! And as much as I blogged about my delights of the past week, I only had one pumpkin muffin from Timmie's.... the rest of the week I was actually pretty well behaved.

Down 1.6 - it felt really good. So, to celebrate, on my way home from Weight Watchers I stopped in at the Rose Farm (if you live anywhere remotely close to Newmarket you know where that is!) and promptly treated myself.... to.... fresh cut.... fresh cooked... fries! I know...(hanging my head in shame)... but they were so good! I enjoyed every bite - and from that moment on I've been tracking. It was my one big treat of the week.

I got a few tips this week to stave off the 'minute I walk in the door from work grab food' routine that I have fallen into. This morning before leaving home, I packed a box of WW Fruit & Nut bars (1 point) and some 2 pt chocolaty things that I have a tough time staying away from. Here they are now, at work, right in front of me. Okay, not exactly in front of me, but in a drawer. The idea is that when I head home I will grab one of the bars to eat on the train or the bus that comes after the train. My hope it that it will be enough to deter me from heading straight for the fridge or cupboard the second I walk in the door! I'll let you know how it works.

In the meantime, it's Monday, the sun is shining, and I'm feeling very much in control. On days like this, when the air is a little crisp (not too much) and the sun is out, the air smells good and you are out walking, I find it invigorating! Okay, I work in downtown Toronto so the air never really smells 'good' but you know what I mean! So, I'm sitting here, with my back to the window and wondering how I can rearrange my office to take advantage of looking out at the beautiful sunshine.

Enjoy the week - you won't get a chance to relive today - so live it to the fullest!

I'm off to get my coffee now - and hopefully no muffins!

later,