Success!

Success is a great word.  I love the way it sounds so forceful when you say it!  Try it... SUCCESS!!
Lifts your mood, makes you smile, makes you feel... well... successful!

I had a good weigh-in on Saturday, down 2.2 lbs. Yea me!  Yea program!    I've stayed on track since then and have written down every morsel that I put in my mouth.  Sometimes I think dreaming about certain foods carries 'points'.. should I write that down?

Snacking at night is my biggest issue.  Not that I'm hungry.  I think it's just a nasty habit. Last night, I was craving something crispy and salty, something, oh say like potato chips!  I must confess, I bought a small bag at the train station last night, tracked it, wrote it down.  Still good.  Followed that bag with a chaser of water. A full bottle.  It satisfied my craving for crispy and salty, for a moment.  So, back to last night - after dinner - my danger time. 

Knowing what I wanted, and knowing that there was nothing in my house that even remotely resembled potato chips (yea!!) I sliced myself some fresh strawberries - 2 cups worth! - and then poured some Lemon yougurt over the whole thing, 1 cup.  I was surprised, and very delighted, to learn how satisfied I was following my delicious snack.

Last night = success... the sound of success... crisp, clean, forceful!

Gotta love it!

....and another thing....

SO glad it's Friday!

Enjoy the weekend.

Winter or Spring?

I'm tired today.  I stayed up quite late last night waiting for my daughter to finish work so Icould pick her up.  She finished at 12:30 a.m.  We got home at 12:45.. and I got into bed at 1:00.  The alarm on my cell-phone started buzzing at 5:30.  I'm tired.  Really did not want to get up today. 

The walk today was so cold, probably felt colder because I was so tired.  But, -10 is still cold no matter how you look at it.  I got to work, stopped for some hot tea on my way up to the office, and settled in.  I had left my office window open about 3" all night.  My office was very cold.  It's now 2:45 and it's still chilly in here.  I can't get warm.  I'm tired. 

I wish the weather would decide what it wants... is it winter or is it spring?  It just doesn't seem fair that last week at this time the weather was so delightful, and today it's so cold!  Thankfully the sky is a delightful cloudless blue!  It seems so much better when the sun is shining. 

Tomorrow is weigh-in.  Other than the epic fail pizza (and really, did I fail? I only had 1 piece!!) I've done reasonably well all week, staying on track, journalling my 'intake'.  I am hoping that tomorrow is not a day of winter discontent but rather a sunny spring day of encouragement!  I guess that's my decision!  So, I'm choosing a sunny day of encouragement.... and lower numbers on the scale!

That is, of course, after I get some much needed sleep!!!!

Epic Fail

Boston Pizza.  Perogi pizza.  Delicious. 

Epic Fail.

Sigh.

Numbers

Numbers are important.  Numbers give us our bearings, as in an address, or latitude/longitude etc.  Numbers can be insignificant, like the number of times I smacked myself in the head for forgetting my delicious homemade lunch today. Or the number I get when i step on my scale...that number is actually pretty scary!   But really, they are just numbers, holding no power over me!  So here are some of my numbers today - what are yours?

3641 - steps this morning walking to work from Union station in Toronto to my office.

187 - stairs I walked up this morning.

7 - coffee shops I pass along my walking route into work.

1 - forgotten lunch at home.

2 - visits to Tim Horton's to buy tea (with skim milk)

0 - wins at said Tim Horton's.

74 - pounds to go to my target weight.

1 - case of water in my office

1 - singular sensation!  I'm tracking.

Decisions

Decided to show my face at Weight Watchers today....  Decided to step on the scale....  Decided NOT to cry... Decided to take this seriously, really, honest, I'm not joking! 

I'm feeling just slightly guilty but I'm not cooking my usual "gourmet" dinner for guests to night and went with a WW recipe for Chicken Cacciatore, served over whole wheat bowtie pasta (total 8 pts per serving) with a lovely spinach salad (spinach, mushrooms, red onions, raspberries and a nice raspberry  dressing (1pt for the dressing.)  For dessert - PC Blue Menu Apple Crisp (2 pts per serving) and Chapman's Madagascar Vanilla Frozen Yogurt.  I feel like I am cheating my guests - but I'm being true to me.  My one indulgence tonight?  Bread!

Appetizers for our guests include a low fat hummus with greek-style pitas.  For me - I'm passing.

Smells delicious in here!

Good decisions!

Spring

I guess we are at the end of winter - I hope!  I found myself dreaming of spring this week.  The air smelled like it.  The temperature screamed it.  Best of all, my footsteps felt it!  I switched my walking route to work from the winter "Path" in Toronto to outside fresh air.  The fresh air makes me walk faster.  Faster must be good because I get to work winded!  Winded must mean I've raised my heart rate, burned some calories, done something good for myself.

Ah, spring! 

Now the hard part... working off the ravages of winter!  Dry hands, dry feet, dry hair... extra pounds from all the 'comfort foods'!  It was definitely the winter of discontent. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't stay motivated.  So, what's motivating me now?

Easy.  I just returned from 11 days in Florida.  The first four were business, and included the usual business lunches and dinners, delicious but not diet friendly.  The last 7 were vacation with my husband.  I ate much better during the vacation part than I did during the business part.  We bought a small styrofoam cooler so that we could pack picnic lunches, buy milk, fruit, etc.  Much more successful, but not entirely!  I tried on a few bathing suits down there.  Oh my.  If you read my 'tag line' in this blog you know that this is a journey toward skinny jeans and bathing suits.  I couldn't find a single suit that made me look anything but like a beached whale!  So, no bathing suit.  Funny, before I left for Florida I thought I'd try on my old Victoria's Secret bathing suit that I bought when I was at a much nicer weight!  Cute little 2-piece.  I couldn't get the cute little bottoms up!  [insert disgusted look here.] 

I weighed myself when I got home from Florida, and not surprisingly, the numbers were not very nice to me. 

So,it's time to enjoy all that spring has in store for me including putting that 'spring' back in my step before I hear the 'spring' on my scale go "BOING".

Birthday Weekend Extravaganza.... and Julia Child

Friday, February 5th was my birthday.  My adorable husband took me out for dinner - to the Wild Onion, a new little restaurant here in my little town. The menu was extraordinary.  I had bison. Done to perfection. And a wonderful chocolate mousse for dessert.    I kept thinking "eat in moderation... you are weighing in tomorrow morning."  I tried.  I truly did try! The food was absolutely fantastic.

From the Wild Onion, we walked over to the Uxbridge Music Hall to see "Guys and Dolls".  I love community theatre.  People in Community Theatre have such passion!  Guys & Dolls was fantastic.  I highly recommend supporting your own local community theatre.  It was a long evening, but great.

After a short night sleep, I was up and showered, dressed, and on my way to my weigh-in.  I was scared... I had done great all week, but having such a huge dinner the night before I knew would interfere with any planned 'success.'  I was right, I was up 1.4 lbs.  RATS!  I'm sure it had to do with the wine, the garlic mashed potatoes, the chocolate mousse.  

Well, birthday weekend extravaganza continued and Scott and I ended up going out for breakfast after my weigh-in.  We went to The Buttery, a nice little place in Newmarket.  Poached eggs, rye toast, peameal bacon, and I substituted the home fries for some sliced tomatoes.  That was a good thing!  Overall, a successful breakfast.  But the food fest continued.... and I ate my way through Saturday, ending with a favourite recipe from my childhood.  My mom used to make this wonderful "Pasty Pie" which was basically beef, potatoes and onions in pastry.  So delicious.  Mind you, she used to use stewing beef... I modified the recipe years ago to some good quality steak!  Much better!

Scott bought me a pre-viewed copy of Julie & Julia and that was my favourite part of my birthday.  I watched it last night and loved every minute of it.  It is my favourite movie.  I'm watching it again today. 

I'm back on track today, and planning the rest of my week...  I have a few business meetings this week, out of town, which always means food. 

Oh food, glorious food! 

Define 'Indulge"

This weekend I had a successful weigh-in. Well, let me clarify. Every weigh-in is successful by definition because if you step on the scale and get an accurate number, it's successful. However, this past weekend I had a successful "hey you weigh less" weigh-in. Yep, down 3.2 lbs. I got a Bravo sticker for it. What I really wanted was a bag of potato chips! But, that would really be an indulgence.

My weekend was quite busy. I won't get into details, suffice to say it wasn't nearly as exciting as my weekend in Niagara Falls! *sigh*. That was quite an indulgence.

I got on my stepper on Saturday for a bit, just a bit, and felt justified in indulging in a snack. My snack was an apple and a 1 pt WW bar. Again, what I really wanted was a bag of potato chips!

So, I got thinking....is a bag of potato chips REALLY an indulgence? By definition, to indulge means to give free rein to, or to take unrestrained pleasure in, or to yield to the desire of, or to treat with excessive leniency, generosity, or consideration. I decided that a bag of potato chips was not an indulgence at all, mostly because I take no unrestrained pleasure in eating potato chips! Rather, I enjoy the salty crispy taste of the little snack! I mean, I guess the size of the bag would matter! In this case, apparently size DOES matter! :) I guess if I ate one of the "MEGA" bags of chips it would be an unrestrained pleasure.

So, I had no potato chips on the weekend. I did have some mini rice cakes, carefully counted out and written down. I had lot of water, and I had lots of fruit and veggies. I ate well, and I indulged.. .er, I enjoyed every morsel that I ate. For my weekend eating habits, I treated myself with excessive consideration and enjoyed a good chunk of a baguette with some delicious butter, fresh from a local bakery!

Now THAT was an indulgence! Unrestrained pleasure!
I wrote it down. Hmmm, does that make it 'restrained'??

Food is a four-lettered word!

A week ago, I was invited to participate in a FAM trip. FAM is short for familiarization. Because I plan conferences and meetings as part of my job, I was invited by Niagara Tourism to take part in this weekend for Conference and Event Planners. All paid. So, why not? Okay, THIS is why I should and shouldn't have gone! (I went, by the way!)

Friday, January 15th. Pick up at Toronto City Center Terminal. I was the only Toronto participant, the other 11 came from Ottawa and Montreal, thus the pick up at the City air Terminal. Shuttled from there to the Niagara Hilton Hotel & Suites where my suite, yes, was on the 45th floor overlooking the falls. It was an amazing room. I knew I was in for a great time the minute I got to my room. Waiting for me was a plate of fruit, but not your average apples, banana, grapes, etc. This was papaya, star fruit, guava, and mango. Delicious. Also the Hilton had a beautiful memory box waiting, with a note welcoming the FAM group.

Just enough time to freshen up (my bag had not yet been delivered to my room)... and back down to the mezzanine level for the walk over to the Niagara Casino , which was attached to the hotel via a bridge. The Casino had prepared a welcome reception/luncheon for the group...all the food you could possibly imagine and drinks.. anything you wanted and as much as you wanted! Dessert... don't get me started. Cheesecake on a stick! I was in heaven, and scared to death at the same time! ALL THAT FOOD & DRINK! We then participated in speed meetings. I met with 12 different hotels/AV companies/convention centre/wineries/parks commission, etc. to get an idea of what each venue had to offer a program such as the one I manage. The afternoon was long, and at 4:30 I was happy to be finished.

Again, just enough time to go back to my room, unpack, find and steam my dress for the "Ice Wine Gala" - at $175 a ticket, I was happy I wasn't paying for it! Thank you Niagara Tourism. We walked in the door, through a 'security' curtain and immediately handed a vodka/ice wine martini! It was scrumptious. Then into the main event. The first stop - cheese! Oh how decadent these cheeses were! A sampling on each plate of 4 artisanal cheeses and tasting notes to go with them. I was in heaven (and trying hard not to think of the fat content). Over 2 dozen wineries were represented and served complimentary (or included in the cost of your ticket!) wines - reds, whites, and of course the jewel - ICE WINE. The food was out of this world. I never had such delicious treats! Beef, duck (although I didn't like the fact that the duck was smiling at me through its crispy well done head!) lamb, sushi, more cheese, more beef, desserts and more wine! I was happy to be tasting some delicious wines and happy to learn that some of the wines that I thought would be good were actually awful! (Really didn't like Dan Akroyd's wines.. the slogan says they are made from "snob free grapes". I'm thinking he should have used the snobby grapes!) My favourite winery of the evening was Fielding Estates. I was pleasantly surprised at the quality! However by 11:30 p.m. I was exhausted and my feet were killing me. I headed back to my room at the Hilton.

To my utter delight, waiting for me in side my room, gift wrapped, was a copy of Fresh by Anna Olson. It was personalized too! To Heather, best wishes and fresh dishes. Anna Olson. [Side note, this past weekend I prepared the baked pears from this cookbook and they were fantastic!] After a nice hot bath, in my luxury suite, (sigh) I went to bed.

Saturday began early - pick up and shuttled over to Sheraton on the Falls, for breakfast and a site tour of that hotel and their sister property next door, the Crowne Plaza. Breakfast began with the waiter circulating in the room making sure everyone had a mimosa. yummy way to start breakfast. It was a buffet, of course, and it had everything that the Sheraton offers for breakfast. I had Eggs Benedict. Why not? Fail. I sat down at my table and in front of me was a huge bar of yummy chocolate. Guilt began to settle in as I imagined my friends back home at Weight Watchers, who would be weighing in at that very moment. Guilt lasted until I had my first bite of my Eggs Benedict. S0 wonderful! Guilt returned after I finished. Stupid guilt!
Oh well.

After our site visit, we were then picked up by the Niagara Parks Commission who had promised helicopter tours for us. Cloud ceiling too low, had to settle for the Butterfly Conservatory, which, strangely enough, was pretty cool, in a tropical sort of way. From there to Table Rock for... lunch. The group was now referring to food as "that four-lettered "F" word." Decadent lunch of beef - in portions that were way too large, but cooked to absolute perfection, and more wine, and desserts... we got our walkers out to help us move our now fat and food/wine bloated bodies out of table rock, and shuffled our way back to the shuttle. I forced myself into my seat on the shuttle and thought, hmm, I may never get out of here!

Off to Chateau des Charmes winery. Tour, tasting and reception. And when I say 'reception' I mean more food and wine!

Then to Peller Estates for a tour and custom Ice Wine Seminar... with food pairings. Yes... MORE food! Our 'seminar' included such delights as chicken liver mousse in a puffed pastry with a glass of Vidal Ice wine, Blue Ice cheese (blue cheese infused with ice wine) with a glass of Oak aged Vidal Ice wine, Fresh oysters with ice wine jelly and a glass of Riesling Ice wine, and finally a Flour-less chocolate cake with a Cabernet Franc Ice wine. Ice wine/sugar overload! We were taken outside to the ice wine bar - you know, in case the sugar levels in our blood were not quite high enough - and served ice wine infused hot chocolate, and handmade ice wine marshmallows which we roasted over an open fire outside. The marshmallows were the highlight of the day! Seriously, never had anything so delicious ever! Or maybe I was just getting drunk! Not sure.

Back to the hotel to freshen up. Off to the Sheraton Fallsview (not to be confused with Sheraton on the Falls) for yet another reception - and TONS of food, I won't bother to list it all, it's not weight watchers friendly... but oh so delicious, and of course more wine or whatever else you wanted. Then - we had to sound intelligent while touring that hotel. There was way too much giddy giggling happening by that time. I wished the men could have controlled themselves more! :o) A quick nip across the street to the Marriott Fallsview. Apparently everything has the name "fallsview". Another quick tour of that hotel, and then dinner... yes more "F" stuff. Diner was late, however, and I remember looking at my watch when my main entree arrived (after drinks, appetizers, salad first). 10:30 p.m. Of course, new wine with each course. Dessert was a sampling of their five most popular, and decadent, desserts. I was feeling rather ill by the end of the evening - way too much rich food.

A few of us decided to walk back to our hotel, about 5 minutes away, but got sidelined by the casino door. In we went. I decided to bet just $5... and I ended up winning $126.50. I cashed out and went to bed. All in all, a profitable evening for me!

The final day was breakfast at the Watermark Restaurant, within the Hilton hotel. We had a private room for the 12 meeting planners, our Niagara Tourism host and the reps from the Hilton. THANKFULLY, we were given menus to choose from. Here's the kicker - of the 12 meeting planners 8 chose the same breakfast - plain unsweetened yogurt and a side of fresh berries, with juice and coffee. I was one of those 8. I felt for the first time all weekend I had something healthy! It felt good. It felt so good.

Our final tour, this time of the Hilton, and then check out. We were each handed a boxed lunch for our trip back to Toronto (and the airport for the other 11). It, too, was decadently delicious. I gave my 'cookie' to the shuttle driver. Okay, no I didn't. I ate it. It was the best chocolate cookie I've ever had. So moist, so delicious... so laced in fat no doubt.

Arriving home Sunday evening... I decided not to have dinner. I know... how brave of me! I did have some fruit and a cup of tea. I really wasn't hungry.

Monday - back to reality, and a shocking step on the scale at home. I already knew that the number I got on my scale was the same as the number I got at Weight Watcher weigh-ins. So, I stepped on. I stepped off. I stepped on and looked again. I stepped off. I stepped on, cried, and stepped off. I gained over 5 lbs over the weekend!!!!!

I knew I was already at an all time high for my body weight. So, this was indeed disappointing but not unexpected. I worked 'the program' all week and thankfully when I weighed in on Saturday (Jan 23) I was only up 0.4 lbs. I felt like I had another casino win!!! I was able to drop much of what I had gained the previous weekend.

So now... I MUST keep at it. I must focus, I must decide that health is what I want... I must decide that no matter what, I will be back in good shape again. I must decide..... that that cookie tasted delicious and if that was all I had it wouldn't have been such a big deal.

Now it's Monday again, and I'm determined. I'm set. I'm ready. I'm.... going through food withdrawal. I wonder when I can get on another FAM tour?

New Year - New Me? Again????

Okay, I read back through my blog and found the above title "New Year - New Me"... but in actuality it seems it was the same OLD me! So here I am... again! It's been awhile - so my update may be longer...

I ended the year over my starting weight from last year. Sad, but true! I got right back at it though, and on Saturday (January 2nd) I weighed in! I was right, I was over. I had not been to WW for the three previous weeks and so I was predicting an increase in weight - I was up 4.4 lbs. But now, I am focused - for real!

I found a few new products that I'd like to tell you about too. For starters, i have a thing for potato chips. Oh the crispy salty delights that they are! Today, I found a box of Ruffles "100 Calories" snack packs. True said! So I check them out - each little package inside (there are 5 in the box) are 2 pts. So I get my crispy/salty fix without over eating!! That to me was a huge plus! Yummy good! Yummy, YUMMY good.

Also, WW has a new product called "Melts". These are little hard candies (Cappuccino Cream flavoured) that take away that urge for something sweet. If I were to eat an entire box, it's only 1 point... I opened a box on Saturday, shared with the ladies around me, put the box in my purse and now that box sits on my desk at work - I still have some left. Good investment.

What else did I get new? Hmmm... oh yes. WW Smoothies. Haven't tried them yet so I can't comment. I got the chocolate ones - 1 pt if you mix with water, 3 if you mix with Skim Milk.

This is my 2nd day back at work after the holidays and I've made my lunch both days. Wow, I know.... shocking! I have water in my office, snacks (aka potato chips), and packed healthy lunches - so proud of myself. ha ha. Then, last night for dinner, I cooked chicken cacciatore from the Week 1 booklet. It's delicious and very filling! 8 pts. Fantastic.

I guess the most important thing to know is that I am focused and determined that 2010 is MY year! It was 10 years ago this month that I joined WW in Kingston, ON. I lost 55 pounds at that time. It took me a year and a half to do it, but I did it. I was at my lowest in self esteem when I joined then. My previous marriage was in the toilet and getting sucked down the drain. I felt horrible about myself, my life, my body. It was not a good time.

Losing weight gave me a new confidence - or rather, a renewed confidence. When I was on my own (2001-2003) I felt strong, independent, and beautiful! I remarried in August of 2003 and my husband is a wonderful man - strong, handsome, kind, and loving. He's also a wonderful cook. And.. of course... I like to eat. We're a great combination! :)

All my weight is back on, and then some. My overall self esteem is good. I just don't like the way I look - the way my clothes feel, the way I get tired easily when walking. So, 2010 - ten years later.. it's time to really get serious, and get it off! This is MY year. This is MY decision. This is MY way of getting a new wardrobe!

Happy New Year!

Nothing tastes as good as......

There is a saying "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels"... There are days I'd like to sock whomever said that right in the nose! It's obvious! But it's also frustrating. As if chanting this mantra will magically make the pounds drop off, I've been 'chanting' it all week. The pounds aren't listening to me!! I think they are saying "no no no no no no... nothing tastes as good as a Snickers Bar!" Okay, they may just be right! But to feel thin again... oh to feel thin again. Dare I dream with such boldness?

I've been sharing with a WW friend my frustrations. I'm up - again. Will I ever get the weight off? I found this picture of myself. Yep, that's me with the cute hair and thin face.. THIN face. This is how I looked when I was dating my husband. I felt young, attractive, thin.. and I felt *gasp* sexy! I was just 5 pounds from my goal weight. I had recently moved from Kingston, Ontario where I was religiously following the WW plan. I moved to Newmarket, Ontario and decided, heck, it's only 5 pounds! I can do this on my own. WRONG. I was good for a time, not losing anything and just gaining a tiny little bit, which i thought was OK. By the time my husband and I had been married about a year, I had pretty much gained most of it back. And it continued to pack on! I went to weight watchers a few time - an at-work program, which didn't work for me, and tried a few other Saturday morning groups. I settled,finally, on one group that I clicked with - it was more the leader who is incredibly caring.... and funny.

However, after a few (several) false starts, I'm still where I was when I started 2 years ago! How much money have I invested in false starts? Don't ask. I have two good weeks, a bad week, a semi good week, 3 bad weeks, etc. and quite seriously I haven't lost a pound overall! WHY? Because my mantra is all screwed up... Nothing tastes as good as [insert favourite food]. I've got to stop that. What is it about eating that holds such power over me? What is it about snacking in the evening that I can't seem to shake? I don't know! Seriously, I don't!

How do I look today? Here's the newest picture, taken September of this year. Look at the double/triple chin!! Look at the size of those cheeks! (The ones on the face - because I wouldn't DARE show the 'other' ones!) Comparing these two pictures recently depressed me beyond belief! I had flashbacks of a previous life when this is how I looked and felt all the time. Fat. Ugly. Totally UN-sexy. Not only did I gain back 55 pounds but I added another 10 to that! 65 pounds HEAVIER than when I was just a few short years ago. So, the question is; how do I get beyond these feelings and get back to BELIEVING that nothing really does taste as good as thin feels? I'm not entirely sure. I do know that I need to stop - STOP - snacking in the evenings. That's my killer time - it's just a nasty habit. So - STOP:

S: Sure I can eat but why am I?

T: Take time to evaluate my motives.

O: Oh my goodness, get out and walk!

P: Practice good self-talk.

Okay, those are the most 'scientific' things to say, but they are real and they are from my gut! Which is rumbling... I better drink some water so I don't down another snickers bar today!

I'm really not hungry... I am a food addict. I love food. I love to eat food. I love to cook food. I can out-eat most people I know! All kinds of people have all kinds of addictions, I eat. I am a food-aholic, seriously! The only time I'm not thinking about food is when I'm shopping. And there's a whole other can of worms!

Maybe I need a different mantra.....

All I know for sure is: "Hello, my name is Heather, and I'm a foodaholic. It's been 30 minutes since my last binge*"

*the snickers bar really was delicious!

Fridays... why is it always on friday???

I hate Fridays. I actually hate this entire week. I'm weak. Very weak.

I had a terrible week as far as my lack of self-control goes. And now, it's Friday again. Weigh in is tomorrow.

I suck!

It's not me, it's my metabolism!

I've been avoiding blogging, avoiding going to WW and avoiding discussing food issues with anyone lately. I just 'fessed up' to a friend from WW about my struggle and *gulp* my actual weight! What a humbling an experience that was.

I have been playing around with weight loss for the past 2 1/2 years! How much have I actually lost - overall? 1 lb. Sick. Well, it's not me... it's my metabolism! What a crock that line is! Have you seen that TV commercial for another weight loss program? It's not me??? really??? How comforting. It's my metabolism. All this time I just thought my stagnation in weight loss was due to potato chip binges, visits to Kawartha Dairy, too much butter, no exercise, and tons of other things I had been doing!

Imagine - I'm not at fault after all!!!! It's my METABOLISM! Oh give me a break! That's as ridiculous as saying the balloon boy is in the balloon when the entire time he was hiding in the attic at home! Well, I'm balloon girl... I've been flirting with the excitement of weight loss when all along I've been hiding in my kitchen and eating! However, I do feel vindicated... metabolism. My new magic word!

Today I made a dinner for a friend (her baby is undergoing open heart surgery this morning) and when I did the calculations on the recipe, modified by me, it works out to approx. 5 pts per serving. Why don't I do that for myself??? I'm feeling discouraged, defeated, and icky! Icky is the appropriate word to use - it means ICKY!

I've missed the last several weeks of WW - I was in Halifax, NS for work. I was subjected to hotel food for a week. The 3 mornings (out of 7) that I could choose my own breakfast I did make great choices - two mornings I had fresh fruit - tons and tons of it, the other morning I had an eggwhite omelet with broccoli & a tiny bit of cheese-and a side of fruit! Really good! However, that didn't help counter all the high fat meals that were served. Why does everything have to come with a sauce of some sort??? I did a rough calculation of points for the "gala" dinner on the first official evening - 38 points!!!! And that didn't include dessert. It seemed most meals were a minimum of 25-30 points. Thank goodness for all the fruit I ate! Good source of fibre!

I've been back for almost 2 weeks now, but not back to healthy eating. I weighed myself this morning and I am up... to the point where I am just 1 lb below my starting weight. I am deflated (unlike balloon boy's balloon!) and chubby... and incredibly ashamed of myself.

Oh - more humiliation... I had a clothing party at my home recently - Jockey person-to-person - really nice. I think you need to be a size 0 to fit into a medium!!!! The large was obviously not large enough and I sadly had to opt for an XL. I hang my head in shame.

So, what am I going to do about it? Good question. I wish I could say I'm going to be perfect from here on in, but we all know that would be a lie. I will say that I will seek help when I need it, I will talk to friends when I need it, I will treat myself with the respect I deserve, and I will make good choices.

It's Thursday... I've got two full days until I weigh in again. I can do this. What did I learn this week? well....contrary to the TV commercial:

It IS me...it's NOT my metabolism!!!

Middle of the week... or is that "weak"???

I've been so busy at work these past few days, getting in very early and staying quite late. It's not good for my weight loss efforts! Last night, for instance, at Union Station I was starving!! Union is a foodaholics worst nightmare! The aroma of Cinnabons was wafting through the air. Fresh bread from Michels. Chocolate from Laura Secord. Ice cream from Dairy Queen. Harveys. Mmmmmuffins. And of course, the dreaded McDonalds, to name just a few. Knowing I wouldn't be home until at least 8:30 I knew I better eat something or the second I walked in my door I would eat whatever wasn't nailed down.

I chose Mr. Sub. Turkey. Whole wheat. No sauces and lots of veggies. Good choice. Score one for me!

Got home, still hungry. Ate a banana. Score.

Mid week... or should that be "mid WEAK" is always difficult.

Going for coffee.....

Monday Monday.....

After a dismal weekend - cold, wet, and just plan ugh - today is filled with beautiful sunshine! As I look out my office window, I don't see a single cloud. But, I digress... first the weekend:

I reluctantly got my butt to Weight Watchers on Saturday, after my usual first stop at Tim's to get my morning java... sans muffin. I was late, but thankfully there was no line up to weigh in. I guess everyone had arrived early - the place was pretty full! Again, reluctantly, I stepped on the little square monster - the one known as "the scale".... oooh, the mere mention of the name send shudders through me at times! This day, however, was not one of them. Despite my foray into muffin eating and apple delights over the week, the scale took pity on me and I was down 1.6 lbs! Yahoo! And as much as I blogged about my delights of the past week, I only had one pumpkin muffin from Timmie's.... the rest of the week I was actually pretty well behaved.

Down 1.6 - it felt really good. So, to celebrate, on my way home from Weight Watchers I stopped in at the Rose Farm (if you live anywhere remotely close to Newmarket you know where that is!) and promptly treated myself.... to.... fresh cut.... fresh cooked... fries! I know...(hanging my head in shame)... but they were so good! I enjoyed every bite - and from that moment on I've been tracking. It was my one big treat of the week.

I got a few tips this week to stave off the 'minute I walk in the door from work grab food' routine that I have fallen into. This morning before leaving home, I packed a box of WW Fruit & Nut bars (1 point) and some 2 pt chocolaty things that I have a tough time staying away from. Here they are now, at work, right in front of me. Okay, not exactly in front of me, but in a drawer. The idea is that when I head home I will grab one of the bars to eat on the train or the bus that comes after the train. My hope it that it will be enough to deter me from heading straight for the fridge or cupboard the second I walk in the door! I'll let you know how it works.

In the meantime, it's Monday, the sun is shining, and I'm feeling very much in control. On days like this, when the air is a little crisp (not too much) and the sun is out, the air smells good and you are out walking, I find it invigorating! Okay, I work in downtown Toronto so the air never really smells 'good' but you know what I mean! So, I'm sitting here, with my back to the window and wondering how I can rearrange my office to take advantage of looking out at the beautiful sunshine.

Enjoy the week - you won't get a chance to relive today - so live it to the fullest!

I'm off to get my coffee now - and hopefully no muffins!

later,

Number inversions, fall clothes, and more pie!

I weighed in on saturday and I was up 0.2.... bah! Must have been all that pie! Kawartha Dairy Ice Cream didn't help either, I suppose!

After talking to a few ladies at WW, some were up just little bits, like me. I think it's a number inversion thing. REALLY, we are DOWN 0.2 or 0.6 or 3.2! Okay, that one (3.2) we might actually notice! Regardless, such tiny little amounts to be up may as well be looked at as a number inversion. Pee, and it's gone!

But, of course, now that the fall is here and I am wearing slightly heavier clothes that just may be were my 'gain' came from! Ya, that's it! I'm up 0.2 because I wore a heavier sweater? Okay, that's a mind inversion! My mind, at best, can be somewhat twisted so if I choose to believe that my choice of sweater made a huge difference, then so be it! It's me. And that's that. Yes, I know, I'm fooling myself - mostly because I wore the exact thing I have been wearing most of the summer. So the inversion here comes from stupidity!

Regardless of how I see my 0.2 lb gain.... I accepted it.

After the meeting my husband and I went apple picking. I made a delicious apple crisp (a weight watcher recipe at that!) and it was so delicious! Topped it off with a small scoop (about 1/4c, seriously) of Chapman's Frozen Yogurt (which is only about 1 point for the 1/4 c). My dessert - 3 pts! How yummy was that. AND, since it was fall and a beautiful crisp sunny day, I also made a huge pot of vegetable soup, which I have been eating all week. There's something so comforting in a bowl of hot soup! It's zero points! THAT'S the comfort part!

I find my biggest challenges come from being at work. If I'm hungry I head down to the main floor to grab something - the entire way down I am doing self-talking about good choices. People pass me in the hall... and I'm sure they assume I've escaped from somewhere as they hear me mumble "good choices... think healthy... be good.....good... good" The good part is that they clear a path for me. Watch out - here comes that crazy person again! I really should learn to have these conversations in my head! The problem is, of course, that once I get there all this food screams at me - and contrary to popular belief, hospital cafeteria's really do serve some wonderful food now!

This week, Tim Horton's launched the return of the Pumpkin Muffin, Pumpkin Donut, and Pumpkin Spice Tea. Right now, even as I type this, I am salivating! The muffin is to die for. Must... stay... clear....of... Timmies..... Must... stay... clear... of.... Timmies..... Why does fall have to taste so delicious? It's really quite an evil plot to keep me chubby! I have a nice lunch packed today - tuna (on WW bread), veggies, a crisp apple that I picked myself, yogurt.... and that's it. Yum. (must.... stay..... clear..... of.... timmies....)

At the end of the day, I would like to look back and think that I made good choices today, that I thought things through, that I was a success... at least for today!

So, it's Tuesday, and I'm relatively on track and tracking.

Oh... here's one.... I left the house this morning without a jacket - I had left it at a friend's house last night grrr. Anyway, I was a little cool. Thought I'd use that as a good excuse to buy a new coat - until I tried one on at Laura's.... I didn't like the size number and it sort of bulged over my tummy making me look about 7 months pregnant. I hung the coat back up. Caught a glimpse of my profile in the mirror - sans maternity coat - and thought "must...stay...clear...of...Timmies"

I hate fall!

Pass the muffins.

Apples and Pumpkins and Pies... oh my!

Fall... to continue from last week. Such a vast selection of wonderful 'comfort' foods available right now. All of these foods are my favourites! Yesterday, I worked from home and was craving fresh baked scones! So, I made them! I ate one, fresh and hot from the oven... with blueberry preserves on it. Oh so delicious! But, that left 7 more to be eaten. Quickly,I called a friend and she came for coffee... and I forced her to eat at least 2 scones! Thankfully, she did just that - with lots of coaxing. But, that left 5 more! I'll stop there.

I think what scares me the most about fall is the abundance of the fall harvest! I love apples, apple pies, apple crisp, apple cake, apple..... you get the picture. I also love pumpkins! Fresh pumpkin pie, pumpkim muffins, pumpkin cookies, and so on. But I also love all the other fall squashes too. To hopefully stave off a mad eating frenzy this week, I selected two squashes when I was grocery shopping - one an acorn squash and the other a spaghetti squash. The spaghetti squash I cooked by cutting in half lengthways, and turning it (cut side down) in a water bath of about 1" in the oven. It came out wonderful... and then I fought the urge to use butter, salt & pepper over that and instead opted to scrape it out (spaghetti style) and top it with some warmed salsa. It was delicious - and zero points. I was not as successful with the acorn squash - which I grilled on my bbq with dabs of butter and maple syrup. Oh so incredibly delicious when it was done. I think there was about 2 tbsp of butter on each half. I ate about 1/4 of the squash.

I also have a pumpkin to cook up and turn into something wonderful as well. Probably pie. I did find a recipe for pumpkin 'pudding' which is basically pumpkin pie without the crust, cooked in one bowl and then scooped out into individual servings. That would be a better choice for me. I'll have to think that one through a bit.

As I write this, I'm eating a Raspberry Yogurt.... it's not nearly as delicious as a slice of fresh from the oven apple pie, or pumpkin pie.... so I'm trying to think of it as raspberry "mousse"... but it's not working.

I am tracking this week. sort of. At least, when I remember. But yes, I am doing the math in my head which as you may or may not know is a very scary place! So, I'll go back to work now and forget about what awaits me at home tonight.

In them meantime....

Pass the pie!

Latte' and Loving Life

I feel like it's time for a little fall-ness! Not full-nes.
Last night I turned on the gas fireplace at home... enjoyed a cuppa tea, and some me time. It was nice. Of course, the double scoop ice cream I had at Kawartha Dairy didn't help!

Today, I'm sitting in Kingston, in a Starbucks, with a delicious non-fat Chai Latte (and a pumpkin scone). I have no idea how many points all this is, but it's probably not good.

I love fall. I love the smell of fall. I love sweaters and cool evenings, and hot apple pie, and the smell of just walking through an orchard! It's all so invigorating. Of course I don't like the "full-ness" of fall. So, knowing that all these wonderful things make me nuts - as in I could eat myself silly at this time of year - I have to exercise caution. I love to love life without making food a part of it.

So, here I sit, in starbucks, with my latte and loving life!

Enjoy your Friday.

Facing the music... er, Scale!

I weighed in. I didn't kick the scale, although I should have kicked myself! My nasty habits of this week caught up with me when I stepped on the scale and it screamed "get off, you're crushing me!"
I was up - 2 lbs. Well, what did I expect? As I said, I drank and ate my way through the week.
Today's WW topic was "Managing dinner out, breadbasket to dessert." Seriously? I have no issues managing all that. I manage to eat it all quite well thank you! I think I missed the point somewhere in the translation! I am, apparently, supposed to manage dinner out so that I don't overdo the breadbasket, the entree, or the dessert. Just when you think you've been truly successful at one thing, you find out you've been working in reverse the entire time. Oh well.

So today I had to face the scale. 2 lbs. Yes, 2.0. Disgusting, isn't it? The question, however, truly is, what am I going to do about it? Monday I go back to work. I can stay in control when I'm working. Or at least I stay in control most of the time. I still have to get through the rest of this weekend.

Today it is a gorgeous fall day. Sun is shining! No humidity in the air. Just delightful. So what better way to celebrate a fall day then to go to a Fall Fair? This weekend is the Uxbridge Fall Fair and we're heading there shortly. This will be a challenge for me. Getting through the day without gorging myself on all the fall fair delicacies - like corn (dripping in butter), hot dogs, fries, etc. I just need to get through the fair. My plan for success today includes packing a small bag with fruit and water so that when the hungries hit, I can dig into my bag.

I sound so successful don't I? Right now I'm sitting here with toasted cranberry & walnut bread (we bought it at Mariposa Market this week and it's so yummy) smeared in butter and fresh peach jam.

I faced the scale today, what's next for me?

Facing the fatty in the mirror.