It's not me, it's my metabolism!

I've been avoiding blogging, avoiding going to WW and avoiding discussing food issues with anyone lately. I just 'fessed up' to a friend from WW about my struggle and *gulp* my actual weight! What a humbling an experience that was.

I have been playing around with weight loss for the past 2 1/2 years! How much have I actually lost - overall? 1 lb. Sick. Well, it's not me... it's my metabolism! What a crock that line is! Have you seen that TV commercial for another weight loss program? It's not me??? really??? How comforting. It's my metabolism. All this time I just thought my stagnation in weight loss was due to potato chip binges, visits to Kawartha Dairy, too much butter, no exercise, and tons of other things I had been doing!

Imagine - I'm not at fault after all!!!! It's my METABOLISM! Oh give me a break! That's as ridiculous as saying the balloon boy is in the balloon when the entire time he was hiding in the attic at home! Well, I'm balloon girl... I've been flirting with the excitement of weight loss when all along I've been hiding in my kitchen and eating! However, I do feel vindicated... metabolism. My new magic word!

Today I made a dinner for a friend (her baby is undergoing open heart surgery this morning) and when I did the calculations on the recipe, modified by me, it works out to approx. 5 pts per serving. Why don't I do that for myself??? I'm feeling discouraged, defeated, and icky! Icky is the appropriate word to use - it means ICKY!

I've missed the last several weeks of WW - I was in Halifax, NS for work. I was subjected to hotel food for a week. The 3 mornings (out of 7) that I could choose my own breakfast I did make great choices - two mornings I had fresh fruit - tons and tons of it, the other morning I had an eggwhite omelet with broccoli & a tiny bit of cheese-and a side of fruit! Really good! However, that didn't help counter all the high fat meals that were served. Why does everything have to come with a sauce of some sort??? I did a rough calculation of points for the "gala" dinner on the first official evening - 38 points!!!! And that didn't include dessert. It seemed most meals were a minimum of 25-30 points. Thank goodness for all the fruit I ate! Good source of fibre!

I've been back for almost 2 weeks now, but not back to healthy eating. I weighed myself this morning and I am up... to the point where I am just 1 lb below my starting weight. I am deflated (unlike balloon boy's balloon!) and chubby... and incredibly ashamed of myself.

Oh - more humiliation... I had a clothing party at my home recently - Jockey person-to-person - really nice. I think you need to be a size 0 to fit into a medium!!!! The large was obviously not large enough and I sadly had to opt for an XL. I hang my head in shame.

So, what am I going to do about it? Good question. I wish I could say I'm going to be perfect from here on in, but we all know that would be a lie. I will say that I will seek help when I need it, I will talk to friends when I need it, I will treat myself with the respect I deserve, and I will make good choices.

It's Thursday... I've got two full days until I weigh in again. I can do this. What did I learn this week? well....contrary to the TV commercial:

It IS me...it's NOT my metabolism!!!