So Easter is around the corner. With Easter comes delicious chocolate - better known as "The Bunny". Whether I like my chocolate in bunny form, or as an egg, or just a blur as it whizzes from a box into my mouth... there's no denying, I am accutely aware that my chocolate fixation is heightened at certain times of the year - Christmas, Valentine's Day, and Easter! Oh the bunny!
Personally, my bunny is not in bunny form but rather anything - seriously anything - that is covered in chocolate. So I'm doing my best to avoid the sweet confection. But I think chocolate actually may be stalking me - ya, that's it, it's stalking me! I was looking up recipes to cook something a little different.... beef.... ya nothing different there... but one of the ingredients was bitter chocolate! Beef and chocolate???? Yikes. See? It haunts me. stalks me, beckons me to follow it into the abyss of "I'm never leaving your thighs and butt" land. How am I ever going to be thin?
It made me wonder. Chocolate should be a controlled substance, especially for women! We all know what it does to us! Definitely controlled. Need a prescription for it. "Doctor, I'm ill, I think I need chocolate" "Hmmm, okay, I see your plight - I prescribe chocolate 3 x a day for the next 10 days, be sure to finish all your medication." Oh thank you! Sounds way too easy. The problem, of course, with controlling a substance is that it ends up on street corners being sold by punk kids trying to hook a whole new generation on the chocolate substance. Pssst, wanna fix of chocolate? Do you need to ask? Chocolate could become the drug of choice for me. I can see it now - I'd sell everything I own to get my chocolate fix. When I finally hit rock bottom, I'd be living on the street, begging on corners, please ma'am just a small square of caramilk? I'm hurtin' bad! People would avoid me, walk on opposite sides of the street, small children would point and stare while their mother's would whisper as they walked by "she used to have it all, until chocolate took over her life." Maybe I'd go into chocolate rehab. Maybe I would join a chocolate support group! Hi, my name is Heather and it's been 24 hours since my last chocolate fix. After the meeting, we'd all go for coffee and someone might slip a square of dark stuff into my pocket.... **shudder** Oh the bunny.
Maybe I could find something else to obsess about at Easter, and Christmas and any other significant day.
Okay, enough. No bunny for me this year! Apparently it completely ruins your life! Stupid bunnies! Pass the carrots (with a side of eggs!)
The Bunny, the bunny, whoa I love the bunny
I don't love my mom or my dad, just the bunny
The Bunny, the bunny, Yeah I love the bunny
I gave everything that I had for the bunny
I don't want no heath food when it's time to feed
A big bag o' bunnies is all that I need
I don't want no buddies to come out and play
I'll sit on my sofa eat bunnies all day
I wont go to church and I wont go to school,
that stuff is for sissys, but bunnies are cool!
I don't want no pickles, I don't want no honey,
I just want a plate and a fork and a bunny
I don't want a tissue when my nose is runny,
I just want a plate and a fork and a bunny
I don't want to tell you a joke that is funny,
I just want a plate and a fork and a bunny
I don't want to play on a day that is sunny,
I just want a plate and a fork and a bunny
(words courtesy of veggie tales)
Personally, my bunny is not in bunny form but rather anything - seriously anything - that is covered in chocolate. So I'm doing my best to avoid the sweet confection. But I think chocolate actually may be stalking me - ya, that's it, it's stalking me! I was looking up recipes to cook something a little different.... beef.... ya nothing different there... but one of the ingredients was bitter chocolate! Beef and chocolate???? Yikes. See? It haunts me. stalks me, beckons me to follow it into the abyss of "I'm never leaving your thighs and butt" land. How am I ever going to be thin?
It made me wonder. Chocolate should be a controlled substance, especially for women! We all know what it does to us! Definitely controlled. Need a prescription for it. "Doctor, I'm ill, I think I need chocolate" "Hmmm, okay, I see your plight - I prescribe chocolate 3 x a day for the next 10 days, be sure to finish all your medication." Oh thank you! Sounds way too easy. The problem, of course, with controlling a substance is that it ends up on street corners being sold by punk kids trying to hook a whole new generation on the chocolate substance. Pssst, wanna fix of chocolate? Do you need to ask? Chocolate could become the drug of choice for me. I can see it now - I'd sell everything I own to get my chocolate fix. When I finally hit rock bottom, I'd be living on the street, begging on corners, please ma'am just a small square of caramilk? I'm hurtin' bad! People would avoid me, walk on opposite sides of the street, small children would point and stare while their mother's would whisper as they walked by "she used to have it all, until chocolate took over her life." Maybe I'd go into chocolate rehab. Maybe I would join a chocolate support group! Hi, my name is Heather and it's been 24 hours since my last chocolate fix. After the meeting, we'd all go for coffee and someone might slip a square of dark stuff into my pocket.... **shudder** Oh the bunny.
Maybe I could find something else to obsess about at Easter, and Christmas and any other significant day.
Okay, enough. No bunny for me this year! Apparently it completely ruins your life! Stupid bunnies! Pass the carrots (with a side of eggs!)
The Bunny, the bunny, whoa I love the bunny
I don't love my mom or my dad, just the bunny
The Bunny, the bunny, Yeah I love the bunny
I gave everything that I had for the bunny
I don't want no heath food when it's time to feed
A big bag o' bunnies is all that I need
I don't want no buddies to come out and play
I'll sit on my sofa eat bunnies all day
I wont go to church and I wont go to school,
that stuff is for sissys, but bunnies are cool!
I don't want no pickles, I don't want no honey,
I just want a plate and a fork and a bunny
I don't want a tissue when my nose is runny,
I just want a plate and a fork and a bunny
I don't want to tell you a joke that is funny,
I just want a plate and a fork and a bunny
I don't want to play on a day that is sunny,
I just want a plate and a fork and a bunny
(words courtesy of veggie tales)
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